Hot Tubbin'

When we bought our house last August, one of the things we were so excited about was the fact that they were leaving a hot tub. It's only a two seater, but still, it's a hot tub. I mean seriously. The previous owners never filled it in the summer, so it wasn't filled when we moved in, and we had so much to do with moving in and the wedding and everything else that we just never got around to it.

In the past couple of weeks though, we've been talking about it and yesterday, even though it was like 20 degrees outside, we decided it was time to get that hot tub in working order. Well, not so easy when you have no clue what you are doing and no manual and etc. We accidentally broke off some plastic piece and it got sucked inside somewhere and now it's making a ton of noise, but at least it started heating up. It's not ready quite yet, but I'm getting excited that we're going to have a hot tub at our disposal.

I mean, what better after a hard workout than to slip in the hot tub for a nice soak, right? The only thing about the hot tub though, is that I know we're going to have friends who want to get in. And that means being in a swimsuit. In front of people.

I've finally figured out that I can do a swimsuit in front of my husband, because he loves me and apparently he even likes seeing me naked. Who knew?

But other people are a different story. I know I don't look good in a swimsuit. And I'm sure other people know that too. So why would we want to confirm it for them? Then again, I don't want to live my life in fear of what other people think about how I look. I've always been a big proponent of dressing right for your body type, meaning I don't think girls with big bellies should expose the midriff. Not that I would do that mind you, I of course have a tasteful tankini or one piece. But still, I'm no swimsuit model.

So I guess I'm sort of conflicted about what to think of it. Do you wear a swimsuit in front of your friends, even if you aren't completely comfortable with your body? Is anyone completely comfortable with their body? I don't know.

I'm thinking I'm just going to have to get over it. Or else hide the fact that the hot tub has been filled forever. We shall see.

Knowledge

First, a woo hoo carrots post to help keep me accountable.

I'm calling today a success. For the most part at least. Didn't make it to the gym AGAIN but with work the way it is right now I'm okay with it.

I did keep my calories fairly low today, even with a Red Bull to keep me going, so I feel good about that. And I cooked tonight even with the boy out of town, so I feel really good about that.

So this girl in my office is getting married in July and she started dieting and the process she's going through has really opened my eyes. She is so new to everything and she's really struggling to learn how to eat right and what good choices are. For her whole life, she's eaten a typical American diet. Lots of meat and potatoes and fast food and very few fruits and veggies.

We had a lunch at a certain chain Italian restaurant the other day, and she chose cheese ravioli for lunch. I chose a low fat pasta dish, which wasn't great because of all the carbs, but at least it was low fat. We started discussing the amount of calories in this and that and we told her she probably didn't want to know how many calories were in her ravioli, and she was SO upset. She thought she made a good choice and didn't realize how much the calories and fat can add up in cheesey dishes. She was so bummed out that day.

I found myself starting to give her advice about eating. At first I sort of felt like a hypocrite, because who am I give out nutrition advice when I can't even maintain my weight loss? But then I started thinking about it, and I really do know a LOT LOT about nutrition. I read everything I can get my hands on, and honestly it really has paid off.

It feels good to know that I'm educated on the subject. I know about carbs and fat and protein and sodium and how many calories I should eat per day and what kind of workouts I should do and I know how I feel when I eat certain foods and how I feel when I don't. I know about keeping my plate colorful and having a veggie at every meal and I know that a glass of red wine is actually good for me.

I know all these things and more, and while I don't practice what I know every single day, it feels good to know that I'm throwing myself into this prepared. I have a lot of tools at my disposal, including all of your blogs, and I use those tools. I'm not confused about what I need to do. I just need to do it.

So I'm committed to a couple of things right now.

1. Helping my friend at work learn as much as she can about living a healthy lifestyle.
2. Being a walking example of that healthy lifestyle.

There is no reason why I shouldn't practice what I preach. I should put all this knowledge to good use and quit screwing myself over. Otherwise, what's the point of all that knowledge?

Tell Me Something I Don't Know

So yeah. Last we spoke I was off to watch the Globes. I watched and enjoyed and the next morning I woke up and was down a pound for the week. Great right? Well since then, not so great.

Well some things are great, but the food/exercise situation is definitely not great. AGAIN. Why do I keep doing this? I'm up three pounds this week. Suck.

Blah blah blah excuses blah blah blah. I haven't been reading your blogs because I'm ashamed to read about how well people are doing. Why don't I have the January mojo?

Without going too much into what I do for a living, I had to work the Sundance Film Festival this weekend. It was fabulous and glamorous and one of the best experiences of my career so far. Bonus, I got to see a TON of celebrities walking around the little town of Park City. This is new for me because what we did at Sundance was a new venture for my firm, and it was seriously a dream come true. As I've said before, I am a total celebrity news whore. I loved it. Every minute of it.

Seeing celebrities in person, I noticed a couple of things.

1. They are tiny. I mean teeny tiny in an unnatural sort of way. Not all of them of course, but many. Teri Hatch3r, I'm talking to you. So skinny. And not in a good way. I mean I know this is the ideal, the absolute epitome of beauty in our culture, but when your skin is hanging off of your face because there's no fat underneath, there's a problem. Seriously.

2. They are plastic. Again, not all of them, but you can see it when you get up close. Eye lifts and chin implants and boob jobs, oh my. Sick. Again: seriously.

So yeah, I know, big revelations right? I should write US Weekly and let them know. I'm sure they'd be thrilled.

As much as I don't want to be that skinny though, dammit I need to be skinnier. So I'm going to try again tomorrow.

Globes

Hi! How's everybody? Sorry I haven't been around all week, I actually posted on Saturday but blogger ate my post and I got pissed and gave up. But here I am. The weekend was good, freezing cold here and pretty much impossible to even take the dogger around the block, but good nonetheless. I went swimming yesterday, which is something I haven't done in quite some time. I liked it. It was good.

Tonight I'm getting nestled in to watch all the waifs scream with joy after winning a golden gl0be. I gotta tell you, I was a film major in college and I'm a celebrity news whore for sure, so I really geek out during awards season. I'm just in awe of all of those collar bones and sunken in eyeballs.

Tomorrow is weigh in and I'm not too sure how I'm doing to be honest. I think I may see a small loss, but I could see a gain too. I've definitely been eating lot of sodium lately and I know that could be cause for water retention, so we'll see. I'll let you know tomorrow!

Tuesday

Down 3 lbs today for the first weigh in of 2007. I'm still pissed at myself for how much I let myself gain over December, but at least I'm going back in the right direction. To be honest, I'm an every day weigher, but I'm only going to track here on Tuesdays. I feel good about it. I am also feeling better and better about the gym.

Tonight I did 30 minutes of intervals on the treadmill and then decided to go to the 30 minute Bosu Abs and Balance class. Wow. Was I in for a rude awakening. I have worked out with bosu ball multiple times in the past, but 30 minutes straight made me realize just how little balance I have. I am going to be sore tomorrow for sure.

I'm definitely glad I went though - I burned a massive amount of calories and that always feels nice. Now if I could just make this a daily thing. For some reason I'm having a hard time getting back in the "going every day" mode. I'll get there eventually.

Weigh In Eve

Hi dudes! I'm in a strangely good mood right now, probably because I'm finally enjoying my couch after a really shite day at work. Work = blows right now. Meh.

Okay anyway, back to the whole weight loss thing. Things are okay, although I haven't jumped back on the wagon with the flying colors that I wanted to. This weekend was hard. Specifically, it was hard to not fall back into the whole mowing on food thing that I was doing for pretty much all of December.

I did spend an hour at the gym yesterday killing it on the dreadmill and then I got a massage (Christmas gift) which was completely awesome. So that felt like a good fitness day. Of course then I decided to have popcorn for dinner. And a low fat ice cream sandwich. No vegetables in sight. So, you know, you win some you lose some.

Oh and you'll be happy to know that I looked around that gym, found no one was staring at me like I suspected, and then picked my wedgie right there on the treadmill because it had to be done. So I'm starting to get my confidence back at the gym if you know what I mean. Sorry if that was TMI.

Anyway, I'm weighing in tomorrow and I'm sure I'll be down a bit due to loss of bloat, etc, but I doubt it will be a very good loss because I haven't been perfect. I have been a million times better than I was though, so at least that's something. I still haven't really decided what I'm going to do about posting my weight here on the sidebar. I dunno. We'll see. What I will do every Tuesday is let you know if I had a gain or a loss or a maintain or what. So come along, it's going to be fun! :)

Gym Time

Made it through day 2. I guess it wasn't that bad. I didn't love it though; I'll say that. I'm definitely experiencing sugar withdrawal. Which means headaches and just overall feeling crappy. I almost didn't go to the gym this afternoon, but I forced myself and I'm glad I went.

Wow, it was crowded. I went yesterday morning and it wasn't that crowded, so I guess I thought maybe the wave of new joiners didn't happen for some reason. Turns out lots of people were off for a federal holiday for Ford's funeral, so maybe that's why.

Tonight though, I was more self-conscious at the gym than I have been in the year since I joined. I know at least by sight most of the trainers, gym employees and regulars. And I assume most of the regulars know me by sight as well. But for some reason I was so aware of who was looking at me. Looking at the fat girl doing bicep curls. Wondering how long she'll last. Smirking at how out of shape she is.

I lost over 20 lbs in 2006 and gained a ton of fitness, yet now I'm paranoid about what people think when they see me at the gym? I'm pretty sure most of those people don't giving a flying fark what I'm doing - they're focused on their own routines. But for some reason, I think they're all judging me?

I'll get back into my routine and pretty soon I won't even notice the other people at the gym. For right now, going back when I've been off track for a few weeks, it just feels weird. I wonder if I'll ever get rid of this self-doubt that I have? I hope so.

Starting Again

Today was the day, as I'm sure it was for many of you out there. I'm not going to lie. It was hard.

I know how to do this. I know exactly what to do. But unfortunately that doesn't make it any easier. Especially when I've been inhaling sugar for four weeks.

This morning I dragged my ass out of bed, did a 5K on the treadmill and some stretching. At least I can still run. Well, what I call running at least. My time was 37:54. I hope to get that down to 31 minutes before summer. We'll see.

Breakfast was an apple and a protein bar. Lunch was a turkey sandwich on wheat and a spinach salad. Snack was yogurt and an orange. And dinner was chicken, roasted peppers and a half of a sweet potato. Lots of colors, lots of nutrients and lots of prep time. Everything I ate tasted good. It tasted virtuous. Yet I still had the sugar cravings. I still wanted a t00tsie roll after lunch. Or twenty. I resisted though and hopefully today will be the hardest day. Getting going is always the hardest right?

I'm not going to talk about what the scale said this morning because I refuse to believe that I've done this to myself. I'll update my weight on the sidebar once I'm a little more comfortable with my progress. And I'll probably do some woo hoo carrots posting for a while just to help keep myself accountable.

I was feeling guilty about doing this new year's resolution thing or whatever it is, but you know what, I can do this. And even if a million other people are saying the same thing, that doesn't make it any different for me. It's going to be hard and it's going to take work but I feel good about this year. This year is going to be my year!

Oh yeah did I mention how proud I am of everyone that kicked arse throughout the holidays? You guys rock. And for you guys who had a rough time like I did - let's get back to it. We can do this. It takes some love and some dedication and we're going to need support, but that's why we have fatblogland. Good luck guys!