Wagons

For a lot of us in the weight loss game, losing weight isn't a process that just begins and ends. Instead there are ups and downs and good times and bad times. Some of us go days, weeks, months, even years on the wagon. The people who've really figured it out do it for the rest of their lives.

But some of us backslide once in a while. Or maybe even more than once in a while. Sometimes it's a hardcore fall and we gain a lot of weight. Sometimes its that we just quit losing for a period of time and plateau a little. Or maybe our losses slow to a snail's pace. Maybe it's stress, or maybe it's that we're just sick of thinking about it, or maybe it's a planned vacation from the whole thing.

For me, my slip up was the last - a planned vacation. I knew what I was doing. I wanted to do it. And I have gained weight. So when I got back from my honeymoon last week, I had it in my mind that I was going to get back on the wagon and detox and quickly lose the weight I had gained.

I've been doing this for a long time now, practically all of my life I guess, but really focusing on it for at least a couple of years. And ususally, when I fall off the wagon or gain some weight back, I get to a point where I'm just sick of it, I just can't take it any more, and I start again. I've always been able to start again. The problem is that I'm always having to start again.

This year has been the first year where I haven't had to do that. Until now that is. I lost weight slowly and had a few stalls, but I started the year at 195, and as of about a month ago I saw the virgin fat territory, albeit fleetingly, of 170.5. Now, as of this morning I weighed 179. That's an 8.5 lb gain. I can attribute that to a couple of things, carb bloat, beer bloat, travel bloat, lack of sleep, but first and foremost, it's due to lack of exercise and taking in way too many calories. Knowing my body, I think some if I'll get rid of quickly, probably about three pounds, and the rest of it will take some time.

The problem is, I'm having a hard time focusing on what I need to do. Like I said before, in the past, I've always been able to jump right back on the wagon and go with it. But the past couple of days have been hard for me and I've had a really slow start. Take this morning for instance.

Woke up and had a cup of spinach, a banana and some almond butter. Lunch was a salad with a pear and walnuts and some balsamic vinaigrette. So far so good right? I had an apple and two small pieces of dark chocolate for a snack and I was good to go. But I was tired. Tired from the weekend and traveling and the time change and from waking up earlier than I've had to in a long time. Too tired to go to the gym. Too tired. I should have had some protein earlier in the day and I probably wouldn't have been so tired.

Point is, I came home and had a huge dinner and way too much Halloween candy and now I've gone way over my allotted calories for the day and skipped my workout. I should have just come home and had a healthy, well-portioned dinner and been done with it. But for some reason I just can't seem to want it that badly, and that's what really scares me.

What's it going to take for me to get back to that mindset, the mindset where I know I can do it and where I'm taking the steps I need to take to lose this weight? Gaining another pound, another five or ten pounds? Will it be gaining all of the weight back that I've lost this entire year? What's it going to be? Right now I just don't really know.