So things have not been good. I'm struggling hardcore. I'm bursting into tears at the thought of trying to choose where to go for lunch. I'm overeating , nay binging, and not working out and wallowing in self-pity and overall not dealing with my food issues very well. There's a lot of negative self talk going on here.

Basically, I haven't known what to post here because all I can think to say is how much I suck. I haven't been commenting on your blogs. I haven't been answering emails.

So I've taken drastic measures.

Tomorrow I start a five week boot camp. I'm excited and terrified at the same time and I hope the intense workouts are going to give me the strength I need to confront my issues with food. I'm full of hope really - although I fear I've already fucked it up.

My intention for this weekend was to try to eat right and rest up for what I know is going to be a very intense week. Instead we had a small gathering at our house last night, drank way too much vodka, and nursed a hangover with a ton of crappy food today. I feel like shit. And tomorrow I have to do a fitness test that will gauge how many sit ups and push ups and who knows what else I can do. Great.

Oh well, I guess I have to start somewhere. The camp I joined is one of the easiest they offer, and although I have no delusions about just how difficult it will be, I think I'll find I'm actually in better shape than I think. I hope so at least. I know I've lost a lot of fitness since my wedding, but I'm hoping I can bounce back. And the good news is, my sister and a friend are also doing it, so I hope we can motivate each other and all kick some ass together.

So for the next five weeks, for an hour and a half a night, four nights a week, I'll be running, jumping and getting crazy at boot camp. Wish me luck.

P.S. There is a major problem with the hot tub. We came home the day after we filled it and guess what, no water! Oopsie. Guess there's a crack somewhere. So no worrying about the swimsuit issue for now, although thanks to everyone for all of the advice. :)