Whine (wine)

This weekend absolutely flew by and I am really sad its Monday. But I guess Monday's basically over so it's all good. My impetigo has improved vastly, now I just have a few dry spots on my face and neck and I'm feeling much better about everything. It is amazing how much I rely on my face, my smile. No matter how gross and ugly my body is feeling, at least I can make my face look pretty with nice hair and makeup. Not so much with the impetigo. Eh.

Moving on - I started another 5 week session of boot camp tonight. I was SO looking forward to going after work. I just needed to blow off some steam and I don't think my workouts have been as good when I'm not in that controlled environment. It was a beautiful day yesterday and I did go on a run down to the lake, but I've just been missing the group environment and the pushing I get from the instructors there. I dread it, but I love it. It's great.

So last night, we had company over to watch the Discovery Channel's Planet Earth series (amazing by the way) and I drank too much wine and got cranky. And basically picked a fight with my husband.

I find myself doing that a lot lately when I drink wine, and I think I need to check myself. We talked about it tonight and I think I'm mentally addicted to the idea of drinking a glass of wine to relax. Not so much when I'm working out a lot, but on the weekends, especially with my girlfriends, I feel I need some wine to relax. What usually happens is one of two things. I don't eat enough food and the wine goes straight to my head and I get cranky. OR, the wine goes straight to my head and I end up eating too much food. Either way I end up unhappy and feeling like I've sabotaged my weight loss efforts.

So even though I think I want to drink wine to enjoy myself, the end result is not always positive. Of course that's not to say I can't enjoy the occasional glass once in a while, it's just that right now it's not working that way.

So I'm not going to completely cut it out, but I think I need to find other ways to relax. My husband suggested meditating, but I guess I'm not sure where to begin. And how does that help me when it's a beautiful day on a Sunday afternoon and we're having dinner with friends and everyone is having a cocktail? That's where the mental struggle comes in.

I'd love to just go into hiding and try to lose weight all by myself, eating perfectly, drinking only water and exercising like a champ. It's not so realistic though. I know I just need to find my own perfect balance, but somehow I don't know if that's ever going to happen.