Tact

Thank you all so much for your encouragement about the marathon. I still haven't officially decided what I'm going to do, but I'm leaning toward the half. The main thing I'm worried about is the early Saturday morning runs. I just don't want to commit to something that I know I won't be able to handle. I don't know though; I'm still considering it.

So this morning I did the same 3 mile run I did on Monday, only today it seemed much harder. I think it was partly because I was still half asleep and hadn't eaten, and partly because I didn't have the boy with me pushing me along. I did keep basically the same pace I kept on Monday, but this time I had to take two minutes to walk about 20 minutes in. And my legs just felt like cement. I got it done though, and that's what counts.

I'm glad I got up and did it, because I had a really crappy night last night. I have this friend, well a friend of a friend. She's one of the thin, fit marathon runners and she's really intelligent and blah blah blah, but sometimes she just has zero tact. Last night she was discussing, with another one of my girlfriends, how her legs look like tree trunks, but at least she doesn't have any back fat. Right in front of me.

WTF? Am I invisible? I know you can see me. And you know I have WAY more back fat than you. So what is your problem? Are you completely insensitive? Do you not realize that your conversation about your tree trunk legs and your nonexistent back fat is making me completely uncomfortable, especially when they are actually the size of little twigs if you really think about it.

Now believe me, I am cognizant of those folks who truly have body issues. Who look in the mirror and see something completely different than what is truly there. I know a number of those people and I truly feel for those people. Shit, I'm one of those people.

However.

This girl is NOT one of those people. She is just fishing for compliments. She just wants us to say, "Oh M, you aren't fat. Your legs are beautifully sculpted. You are gorgeous. Etc. Etc. Etc.

And honestly, it just hurts my feelings. It hurts because she knows I struggle. And she knows I have a hard time. Yet she makes comments like this in front of me anyway. I think she's just insecure. I know she's just insecure. But I'm insecure too dammit. And I don't need that from her right now. I don't know, maybe I'm just being a bitch. Maybe I should sit her down and talk to her about it. But she's kind of superficial. And I just don't know that she'd understand. Truly understand.

Yeah. So it's frustrating. And I think for right now, I'm just going to try to remove myself from situations where I might be around her. I think avoidance is just easier.

Tomorrow starts the long weekend, and I cannot wait. I am going to do an interval workout tomorrow morning, head to work and hopefully we'll be out by 3. Lunch is out with some coworkers, but I plan to choose a salad or a veggie burger or something along those lines. I'm doing okay. Each day is a struggle, but I'm doing okay.