Counting

So I sort of forgot how quickly points can add up. The past two days have been hard. Luckily I've been working my ass off at the boot camp so I have lots of activity points to use but still. I'm using the flex points up quickly. Eh, it's cool. I like the counting.

Today was a good day. I felt productive and happy and not like a fat person. Until tonight when I had some of a frozen pizza, and I got back inside my head about food and weight and blah and now I'm just feeling crappy. I mean it's just a frozen pizza and I just had one serving but it makes me feel icky.

So why does losing weight have to be such an all or nothing affair for me? Why can't I ever focus on the good things I've done - like the fact that I worked out for five days this week and I mostly make good choices and I like vegetables and all that other schnozz? Instead I worry so much about the chocolate and pizza and the laziness and the fact that the only way the scale seems to be going is up. It's maddening.

Today I went on a jog around Sloan's Lake. I didn't stop to walk one time. It felt incredible. The wind blowing in my face and the sun over the mountains. It was cold and windy and sunny and it was outside. I love outside. I miss outside. I want February to be over. I want it to be summer again. But then it will be back to the sleeveless tops and I'll have something else to complain about.