Failure Happens

Oh hi. I haven't been around here in a couple of weeks, and for that I'm sorry. A few rough things happened, including a major bout of insomnia (more on this later), getting sick and the death of my hard drive, and I've been trying to put things back together again. My weight is the same, no real gains, no real losses. I'm sick of maintaining. But you've heard that sad song before. So I'm not going to sing it.

I'm here to say I don't know if I'm going to make my 160 by December goal. I'm still trying, but I'm cutting myself some slack with the realization that I want to enjoy fall, enjoy Halloween and the onslaught of food that comes with all of the holidays, and I don't want to feel guilty about it. No I'm not throwing the baby out with the bathwater and I am still actively trying to lose weight. In fact I am still going to try to make that goal of 160. I'm just giving myself permission to fail I guess.

Is that the right way to go about it? Some will say no. Some think you can't cut yourself any slack, and if you do you are just setting yourself up to fail. I was probably one of those people way back when. But I'm not like that anymore, I CAN'T be like that anymore. I don't want to be miserable because I'm forcing myself to follow some arbitrary rules that I put in place. I won't. So yes, I hope to make my 160 goal by December 17. That is still 8 weeks away and stranger things have been done. But if I don't, well, that's just going to have to be ok.

Anyway, tonight is Monday Night Football and the Broncos are playing, so my sister and brother-in-law are coming over for tacos. I bought the Garden of Eatin Blue Corn Taco Dinner Kit because it was the only taco seasoning packet I could find without MSG and only taco shells I could find without hydrogenated oils, so I'll be using that and some ground organic turkey to whip up a healthy, fun taco night. Reading ingredients is something I will never stop doing now that I've started, but honestly it is so depressing. I feel like everything I look at has SOMETHING wrong with it. MSG, trans-fat, GMOs, high-fructose corn syrup, the list is endless.

All I know is I feel good about the choices I make when it comes to being conscious about my purchasing decisions. I really do feel like I'm voting with my wallet when it comes to grocery shopping. So yeah, I may not be perfect when it comes to weight loss, but for the most part I am a healthy, conscious consumer and I'm putting good things into my body. Even if it is full-fat cheese.

Random Blah Blah

I have been having trouble getting motivated to write. So instead of something coherent I guess I'll just word vomit and see if anything interesting comes up. 

Yesterday I went to everyone's favorite health store and spent my whole non-existent paycheck. Ridiculous, but I hadn't been grocery shopping in a while and I've committed to locking myself in my house and eating every meal at home save a lunch date on Friday. The boy is out of town this week for a conference, so it's pretty easy for me to eat whatever I want and not have to worry about making extra for him. Typically he eats what I eat, but I always make an extra carb or side dish for him (risotto, tortillas for tacos, that kind of thing) so not having to do that is kind of fun. Actually, if I'm being honest, I haven't really cooked anything for myself. Last night for dinner I had a turkey sandwich. But I have PLANS to cook. And that's what counts. 

Anyway, while I was at Wh0le F00ds I purchased a new sweetener that I am now attempting to enjoy in my coffee. It's called XyloSweet, an all natural Xylitol sweetener. Since I'm obsessed with Jillian Michaels and have heard her recommend this on her podcast a couple of times, I decided to give it a shot. I've eliminated most artificial sweeteners from my diet, I'm off diet soda and try not to buy too much sugar free stuff (although I'm still sort of addicted to SF pudding, but I'm working on that). However, this means that lately in my coffee, I've just been using full sugar, full fat creamer and I'm here to tell you this was not a good idea. Aside from the fact that is full of crap and the calories can add up quickly, it was so sweet and delicious in the morning it was giving me cravings all day. So, I'm hopeful that trying XyloSweet will nip that in the bud and also help me get rid of cravings. 

Now I know you're probably thinking, "but aren't you just replacing one artificial sweetener with another?" And I was thinking that too, but apparently this stuff is all natural, not bleached and processed within and inch of it's life like Splenda (which I still like) and Aspartame. I don't know, I haven't done loads of research on it yet and I can't debate the merits per se, but it tastes ok in my coffee so I'm going to give it a shot. I did learn that it is toxic to dogs, so I'll be keeping it away from the dogger. 

Oh yeah I also got some Jay Robb protein powder for smoothies and man, that stuff is good. I made one yesterday with chocolate protein powder, water, and almond butter and it was freaking delish. I have been having trouble figuring out how/what to eat on Mondays when I go to kickboxing from 6:30-7:30, which is during my normal dinner hour. So yesterday I made the protein shake around 5 as a pre-workout meal, then came home and had a small turkey sandwich around 8. This seemed to work well, I was properly fueled for my workout and I think I got the right nutrients I needed afterward too.

Today I'm going to make some veggie chili around lunchtime to have for the rest of the week, and I'm going to hit the Camp24 class at 4:30. I'm thinking about staying for step afterward, I've seen some people who do that, but for some reason I'm terribly afraid of taking a step class. What if I trip over the step and fall on my face? What if I sprain my ankle? What if my thong hangs out? We'll see. 

Dinner is going to consist of leftover chicken salad and tomato soup. I guess it's a good thing it snowed last night and is freezing today, I'll get my soup fix in times two today! 

P.S. I'm watching the View, and why oh why does Lady GaGa not ever wear pants?  

Mother Lovin GOALS

Good bad up down on off. Consistency has left the building. Actually I don't know if I EVER had it. The past two months have just been hard. I really feel like every day is a battle. When it comes to my food choices, I'm just not strong. I can plan and plan but it seems I have one little slip-up and my whole day gets turned on it's side. Too much alcohol one night turns into pizza and cookies the next day. A bite of my husband's french fries and suddenly I want to go out for ice cream. Who is this person? Not me. 

The good news is I have been working out like a fiend. And I do have my good days. So at least I'm maintaining. And I think I may even be down a pound or so this week, but I'm still up at least four lbs from my lowest weight, and I don't know if I'll ever break that elusive 170 barrier. Actually eff that, I do know. I'm putting it out in the universe. Isn't that what we're supposed to do? I will see the 160's in March or April. As fatblogland as my witness, I will do this. 

In that spirit, I think I need a few more goals. SMART goals. Specific, measurable, achievable, r.... what's the r stand for again? And t? I don't know t either. Anyway, the first three will do. 

So, a few small goals, and a few bigger goals. 

1. Workout 4-6 times per week. This should be a breeze given my current level of activity. I am including snowboarding and snowshoeing in this as well as trips to the gym, outdoor runs, bike rides, whatever else I come up with. This does not include walking the dog. 

2. Stay within my calorie range at least 6 days a week. I can go over one day IF it is a day that I have worked out and IF I have stayed in my range the other six days. It isn't an all-out blowout, but I will allow myself some extra calories. 

3. Lose a minimum of 5 lbs by May 1. I know I can do this. I will do this. This will be 5 lbs below my official weigh-in as of tomorrow, February 25. 

4. Improve my form in kickboxing. I am loving this workout right now and I want to improve. I don't know how to measure that, but I think aiming to always jack instead of march might be a good start. Also to try to actually kick out instead of just toward the ground. 

5. Cook. Starting with going to the grocery store right now. 

Okay I think that's it. I feel good having some goals down. 

I should be on a cooking reality show

Because I am THAT good. I made the BEST dinner tonight. I am such a superstar. I mean truly, I rock. I love having an oven and Wh0le F00ds and my iPod in my kitchen. Shit, Americans are truly lucky. So I can't find a job right now, I'm up half the night worrying about stupid crap like whether that little clip from my snowpants is still on the dryer, and I had to go the dentist today. I had an awesome dinner. 

My dentist is down south near my parent's house (I've been going to him forever) and so after I was done, I went to the the mecca that is the Wh0le F00ds down there. We have a pretty nice one sort of close to me, but not close enough to justify going there a lot. But the one I went to this afternoon is freaking amazing. It's huge and full of so much gorgeous food it is just ridiculous. I probably could have spent two or three hours in there just walking around, but I was sort of in a rush so I just picked up a few things here and there. I didn't really know what to do about dinner so I ended up getting these pre-made spinach and feta salmon burgers, some broccoli and some sweet potatoes. So good. 

OMG American Id0l just totally effed up. Ha ha. Seacrest is not that great of an improviser. Okay side note over. 

The thing about dinner was that is was so easy. I turned the oven to 425, threw in the sweet potatoes, prepped the broccoli, (used this recipe, and it truly is the best broccoli of your life) and then threw that in. The salmon burgers were already together, so all I had to do was saute them for about five minutes on each side. Piece of cake and ended up all being so so good. 

Now that I'm all full of healthy food I'm settling in to watch BL and read some blogs. Oh yeah and I've been on twitter for a while as my normal self, but I decided to set up a special account just for this blog, so if you're interested, I'm here. I' think I'm going to experiment with tweeting my food and exercise as well as you know, all my witty thoughts throughout the day. :) 

P.S. This weekend was great - we did a 6 mile snowshoe! Holy crap. I hate my husband sometimes. I mean love. I love him. 

ETA: Just realized DG totally posted about this broccoli today too. Or maybe yesterday. Anyway, it's broccoli time in fatblogland. 

Saving Money

So I was watching Oprah today and she had the alleged "thriftiest family in America" on. This family was insane - they were saving money at every turn, only using one cell phone for emergencies, cutting each other's hair, eating at only restaurants where the kids eat free, etc. And then another woman, the "coupon mom," bought $127 worth of groceries, and got $88 off from coupons and ended up spending only $39 for a week's worth of food for her entire family. She said she plans her entire week's worth of of meals based on what's on sale at that store. That week they had a whole chicken and free carrots. 

So here's the deal, I'm all for saving, and this is something I've been trying to do since we got back from Singapore. I've been using coupons where I see them, buying things on sale, that sort of thing. Here's my question though, and I know it's not a new question, but how do you reconcile eating healthy with saving money? 

For me, it's important to buy organic dairy and meat, and buy local if I can. I also like to buy organic produce whenever possible, although I'm not very militant about it. I feel those things are important to mine and my husband's health, and I guess I'm willing to pay a little bit extra for that. I also try to buy things with a low number of ingredients, no high fructose corn syrup, trans fats, those kinds of things. And I think we all know that sadly, the cheapest foods are often the ones with ingredients you can hardly pronounce and little to no nutritional value. Can we say Twinkies? 

So how does this work? How do I save money, yet still buy quality foods that will help me stay healthy? Americans spend less than ten percent of their income on food, while Europeans spend almost 30 percent. What's up with that? What are we spending our money on? What am I spending my money on? Makeup? Snowboarding? The gym? Cable Internet and HBO and clothes? I'm trying to save where I can, but I'm not going to skimp on quality food. And I love Big Love and Flight of the Conchords way too much to get rid of HBO. ;) So what's a girl to do? 

Monday at the Grocery Store

Mondays. I've actually come to look forward to them a little bit since living in Singapore. I'm sure the ENTIRE reason for that is I don't have to get up and go to a job. Instead I look forward to the boy going back to work and having the place to myself again. Not that I don't love the weekends, don't get me wrong. I just love "me" time.

This morning I went and did a pretty big shop at the market. It doesn't look like a ton of stuff, but when you have to walk a good mile to the grocery and then carry everything back, you tend to get a little more conservative with what you buy. I took a shot so you could see what I ended up with. 

It's funny, I think I shop so differently here, but I guess I end up with pretty much the same types of foods I would be eating if I were back in the U.S. There are definitely things I'm missing, but for the most part it's the same. Since Singapore is an island and it doesn't have it's own farming system or really much food production at all, pretty much the entire food supply, even the water, is imported. I live in an area where there are a lot of expats, mostly British, Australian and American, so most of the food in the market is imported from those regions. There's another market that really caters to the Japanese expats. Then of course there are the markets where the locals shop, which have lots of local foods and foods from Malaysia and China. 

Today I got the basics for vegetarian chili, lots of peppers, beans, tomatoes and some light sour cream to go on top. I also got chicken, grapes and walnuts for chicken salad, yogurt, berries and bananas for breakfasts this week and a big bar of dark chocolate (you know I couldn't stay away). Oh yeah and of course the Kettle chips, which the boy specially requested today. I won't be eating those. They were out of mixed greens for salad, which I've noticed happens a lot on Mondays. Actually they tend to be out of a lot of things on Mondays. I think it's just a function of people doing their grocery shopping on the weekends. But in Singapore, if something is out of stock, sometimes it can take weeks to get more. There was a period of about 3 weeks that I was without Greek yogurt and I was so happy when they got more in. You'd have thought they got chocolate covered bars of gold or something by my excitement level. 

So today was a good day overall. I did about 45 minutes of weight circuits and 30 minutes on the bike for my workout and I ate really well. I didn't photograph my meals, but that's something I'm still toying with doing. I like seeing what other people are eating so maybe if I do it'll have the same effect? Or maybe it will bore people to tears. I guess we'll see. Perhaps I'll try it tomorrow.