Weigh In

Weighed today - down 1.2 lbs since I "re-dedicated myself" last Tuesday, putting me at 175.4 this week.

I dunno, I kind of have mixed feelings about it. Part of me feels like oh, it's my first week back on track, I should be down 3 or 4 lbs, some kind of huge loss, etc. But I guess mostly I'm really happy to see the scale moving down, and know that I'm not having to totally restrict entire food groups or anything like that. I didn't do Phase 1 of South Beach or any other "program." I just counted my calories and upped my exercise and watched the crap intake. Geez, for all the reading and research I do, you'd think this was rocket science.

It's so easy on the surface isn't it? Just eat less and move more. That's what "they" say. Well yes. It's the mental part that makes it so difficult. And when you are so on top of it, doing all the right things and using every ounce of strength you have to not order the fries at the baseball game, then it's just sort of hard not to be disappointed with 1.2 lbs. I need instant gratification! I am American after all. ;)

The 350 min. at the gym thing is still happening. So far this week I've done the following:

Mon: 60 min. kickboxing class

Tuesday: 60 min. boot camp class

Wed: 60 min. kickboxing class + 20 min. incline treadmill walk

That's 200 minutes so far, meaning I have the rest of the week to get in another 150. I'll probably do this athletic training/weights class the gym tomorrow and kickboxing on Saturday, and then add 15 minutes or so to each of those workouts to get to my goal. It is still a LOT of exercise but I like having a goal like that to work toward each week instead of sort of haphazardly going here and there. And I'm probably overdoing the kickboxing, but for right now I really like it and it's a hell of a workout, so I don't really see it being a problem. If it gets old or not hard or boring, then I'll change it up.

I bought stuff to make homemade pizza (whole wheat crust, lots of veggies on top) so we'll have that for dinner tonight. I'm a regular Suzy homemaker right now, (still no job on the horizon) but it is what it is and I'm learning to embrace it. I'll be writing more about that soon. Now I'm off to get my hair did, which will hopefully be a nice self-esteem boost. I love that fresh salon feeling. ;)

Monday Musings

Oh Monday. It feels kind of gloomy today but I am determined to just get my butt moving and work on some projects and break out of any funky feelings I might be feeling. This weekend was good, hard but good. I stayed within my calorie limits on Friday after my minor freak out about Thursday, but then Saturday ended up with a little emotional eating (read: grilled cheese at dinner) and went high again. Yesterday was great though, and I'm taking some time to plan some menus for the week today so I am hopeful that when I weigh on Wednesday I'll at least be down a little.

You know what sucks though? How one day can screw up an entire week of careful planning, measuring, counting, working? One freaking day. That's all it takes to ruin a lot of really hard work. I don't think that's going to happen to me this week, but honestly it is no wonder that people have a hard time losing weight. Changing habits is HARD and all takes is a little slip up to kill what might have been a two pound weight loss for the week. Or three or four. I guess that's why it's an ongoing process and so many people (myself included of course) struggle for years and years with their weight.

One thing I did do this weekend was declare my intentions to two people in my life that have never had weight problems and often contribute to my losing focus. These are two of my really good girlfriends, both around size 2-4. These women are great, they would never purposefully try to sabotage me or anything like that, but they've also never had to think about their weight. They both work out and eat consciously, it's just not really an issue for them the way it is for me. The main issue is our tendency to get together and make one glass of wine turn into three or four, which then totally throws me off course. It's not a problem for them, they can totally handle it. But it is for me.

So yesterday at the mall, all crammed in to one dressing room together, I acknowledged that issue by telling them I am trying to lose 15 lbs by my Mexico trip in December. I was a little nervous about it because I've made tons of declarations like this in the past that haven't really panned out, but they were both really supportive and nice about it, which was great. After we finished shopping, we went to grab lunch, where they both had a glass of wine. One got a grilled cheese and ham with a side of fries, and one got a chicken sandwich with a side of fries. I got a salad and stuck to water. At first I was really worried about it, but I think I was just wrapped up in my own shit because neither one of them mentioned my lack of wine or how their food was "worse" than mine or any of that crap. We still sat and chatted and had a great time, and the food just wasn't an issue.

I was thinking about it, and I really want to try to make every meal like that. I'm sick of worrying about what I'm going to order and what other people will think and whether or not they'll secretly be mocking me inside of their heads. These people are my friends, so why would they do it? They wouldn't, and if they did, that means they're assholes anyway. If I'm being honest, nobody really cares what I choose to eat, and if they do take issue with it, they're probably just projecting they're own issues on to me.

I know I'll still encounter food and alcohol pushers, that is just a part of life. But I really need to learn to be confident with my choices and no that in the end, they are going to take me the direction I want to go.

Beets are Scary

Ahh Monday morning. Once again I am happy for the start of the week to be here. The weekend just seems to throw off my routine too much and while weekends are of course always fun, I am a creature of habit. And I happen to like my habits. Especially when they are good ones. 

This was a good weekend, the engagement party went off without a hitch. I MAY have been slightly over-served, (wink, wink) but that's okay. We had a great time. Actually I think what contributed to my inebriation was the fact that I was trying to be so careful about accounting for a few glasses of wine in terms of my calorie allotment and I didn't end up eating enough. Empty stomach + too much alcohol when you haven't been drinking for a while = bad news. 

I survived though and actually didn't lose my shit on Sunday either. I wanted to go to Dairy Queen, but chose a frozen yogurt instead. And I wanted to get movie theater popcorn, but I made some at home in my popper instead. I think those were good choices. And even though the scale is up this morning, I know it's probably just the salt I ate yesterday and hopefully those lbs will go away after a day of clean eating. Official weigh-in is on Wednesday. 

Today I have an interview, so that should be interesting. Of course it's at 1:00, and it's about 30 minutes away, which means I have to leave an hour before because I am a freak and if I get lost it might be a disaster and I might hyperventilate, and I'd just rather sit in my car for 20 minutes and be early than even have to worry for one second that I might be late. So that means I have to leave at 12, which is right around lunchtime, and isn't it sort of pathetic that I'm worried about how my interview is going to make me re-arrange my eating schedule? Wow. That is sad. I guess I'll just have a snack before I go and then have a proper lunch afterward, because while I don't want my stomach growling, I'd rather not be full of food and lethargic during it anyway. 

Yeah so there's that. I'm hoping it goes well but that's all I'll really say about that until afterward because you never know who's watching. This is the Internets after all. 

Oh question: does anyone know what to do with beets? We got some in our CSA delivery this week and I am at a loss. I want to include them with a meal this week but honestly, I have no idea. They look like they were pulled directly out of the ground. Do I peel them? Then cook them? Or just eat them raw? I guess I'll have to do some research on this one. 

Piece of Cake

Hey! Well I am feeling good about my goals. Everything is in place and honestly, it's nice to just have that out there. I did weigh in yesterday and I was at 175.8. This is a .4 loss from last week. Woo hoo? I dunno, whatever. As I said, my goal is to lose 5 lbs by May 1, but in all honesty, I think that is setting the bar too low. I have a full two months to lose 5 lbs? I know I am a slow loser, but I also want to give myself some motivation, so I'm going to say 8 lbs, putting me squarely in the middle of the upper 160's, which is a place I have never been. So the goal by May 1 is 8 lbs, or 167.8 lbs. This is going to be easy. I am going to do this no problemo.

One thing I do need to do is spend a little more time looking at my calorie allowance. I use Spark People and it says I should be eating 1200-1550, which is a pretty big range, and based on my BMR, I think I should be at about 1400 on days I don't work out in order to create a big enough deficit to lose 1-2 lbs a week. Usually I'm good with sticking right around this, but sometimes I think I might need a little more food, especially on days where I'm burning major calories. Sure it'd be nice to create a monstrous deficit on those days, but if I don't give my body enough food, it's sure to end either with starvation mode or a binge, neither of which I want. 

So my question is, how much leeway should I give myself if I have an intense workout and am feeling extra hungry? Yesterday in kickboxing I'm estimating I burned 500-600 calories based on what my heart rate monitor says (it kept showing 00 at random times, methinks I need to clean the strap). And then after that workout, I was super hungry all day, but I was trying to stay within my allotted calories, per my goals of course. Well I ended up eating 1723 cals, which is of course over the 1550, but not by much. So TECHNICALLY I didn't meet that goal yesterday, but I'm not going to get all psycho about this, because that isn't good for anyone's mental health. Hell, the fact that I'm even writing this out is a little over the top. That's it, I've officially decided that I can consume up to 1800 calories on days I kickbox or have another really tough workout. I trust myself and I know that if I need the calories, I need the calories. Even if they are in the form of wine. :) 

Speaking of being psycho and having too much ego, Angie had a really great post yesterday about living in the present and how our weight loss isn't always the battle we think it is. This really resonated with me - I am always always worrying about this shit and letting it define my life and sometimes I really think I just need to get over myself and DEAL. This is my life, I love it, and things are going to be okay. Yes I want to continue to lose and yes I have my goals, but my world doesn't always have to revolve around this subject. As one of Angie's commenters said, sometimes you just have to tell yourself it's going to be easy. So as I said above, my goal of 8 lbs by May 1 is going to be a piece of cake!*

Tonight I'm going to that Camp24 interval class again, which I love, and then afterward we are heading out with our best friends to a new restaurant by our house. This week is Denver Restaurant Week, so tons of restaurants around town are having awesome pre-fix menus for $52.80 (the Mile High city, that's how we roll) per couple. I don't know what's on the menu, but I'm sure it will involve dessert and wine, so I'm just going to do my best to make good choices and enjoy a nice dinner on the cheap! I'll work it into my calorie budget, don't you worry! Hope everyone has a great day. 

Mother Lovin GOALS

Good bad up down on off. Consistency has left the building. Actually I don't know if I EVER had it. The past two months have just been hard. I really feel like every day is a battle. When it comes to my food choices, I'm just not strong. I can plan and plan but it seems I have one little slip-up and my whole day gets turned on it's side. Too much alcohol one night turns into pizza and cookies the next day. A bite of my husband's french fries and suddenly I want to go out for ice cream. Who is this person? Not me. 

The good news is I have been working out like a fiend. And I do have my good days. So at least I'm maintaining. And I think I may even be down a pound or so this week, but I'm still up at least four lbs from my lowest weight, and I don't know if I'll ever break that elusive 170 barrier. Actually eff that, I do know. I'm putting it out in the universe. Isn't that what we're supposed to do? I will see the 160's in March or April. As fatblogland as my witness, I will do this. 

In that spirit, I think I need a few more goals. SMART goals. Specific, measurable, achievable, r.... what's the r stand for again? And t? I don't know t either. Anyway, the first three will do. 

So, a few small goals, and a few bigger goals. 

1. Workout 4-6 times per week. This should be a breeze given my current level of activity. I am including snowboarding and snowshoeing in this as well as trips to the gym, outdoor runs, bike rides, whatever else I come up with. This does not include walking the dog. 

2. Stay within my calorie range at least 6 days a week. I can go over one day IF it is a day that I have worked out and IF I have stayed in my range the other six days. It isn't an all-out blowout, but I will allow myself some extra calories. 

3. Lose a minimum of 5 lbs by May 1. I know I can do this. I will do this. This will be 5 lbs below my official weigh-in as of tomorrow, February 25. 

4. Improve my form in kickboxing. I am loving this workout right now and I want to improve. I don't know how to measure that, but I think aiming to always jack instead of march might be a good start. Also to try to actually kick out instead of just toward the ground. 

5. Cook. Starting with going to the grocery store right now. 

Okay I think that's it. I feel good having some goals down. 

Tracking

Oh man. Yesterday I kind of lost it. I went out for dinner with a girlfriend and she wanted to order chips and salsa. So we did. And of course I just totally overdid it. And once I did that I guess I was kind of like, oh well, my day's ruined, why not just make it worse? We did split a salad for our actual dinner, but I also had two beers, and then of course dug into the ice cream and dove squares when I got home. 

Sigh. 

Two steps forward, one step back. It's a roller coaster this thing. I know it's one I will never ever get off of either. Just the other day I was entering my food intake into SparkPeople, and the boy was watching and he asked how many years of tracking my food intake, weight, workouts, I have. Well, I've been tracking my weight on a weekly basis in an Excel spreadsheet since 2004. But I've been using SparkPeople sporadically since 2006, and it is crazy to me that I can go back and pick a random day, say September 5, 2006, and know I had oatmeal for breakfast, a salad for lunch, a luna bar, and some kind of egg and cheese tortilla concoction for dinner. I ate 1348 calories.  That is insane. Don't get me wrong, in a way it's cool to have all of this information, but in a way I'm wondering - where has all of this gotten me?

At that time in my life, I weighed .6 lbs more than I do now. It was about a month before my wedding and I was at one of my lowest adult weights. In the past 2+ years, I've re-gained, and then re-lost, more than 20 lbs. But I know I can go back and look at the big stretches where this is no information, where I wasn't tracking, and see that that is when I was gaining. 

Tracking works for me. It's a pain in the ass and sometimes I think I'm crazy for dealing with all of this information all the time, but I know it works. When I can see that I've already eaten X amount of calories and I need to keep dinner on the smaller side, that is a good thing. I think in a way, I'll probably always track calories. I like seeing the data right there in front of me, and knowing how it correlates to my weight. 

Anyway, today is a new day, and I'm going to do the best I can. Right now that means heading to the gym to burn off some of those tortilla chips. Not sure what's on tap for tonight, but tomorrow will be an early day so we can make it to Breck before the lines get too long. Wish me luck with my apres-ski eating challenges! 

Weekend wrap up

This weekend was good, we had lots of fun and got in some essential Singapore tourist opps before we leave in a couple of weeks. One was the night safari, which is pretty freaky. I'm not a big zoo person because I tend to get sad about seeing the animals in captivity. I felt the same way during this trip, but it's a bit different because you ride this tram around this open area and all the animals are kind of free to move around. There are natural barriers and what not, but it's still sort of scary to see them up close and personal like that. Let me tell you a rhino is a scary thing. And then there are the hippos. Wow. Apparently hippos kill more people in Africa than any other animal. I did not want to die at the hands (or mouth) of a hippo so I cowered inside the tram like a big baby the whole time. 

At the night safari we were supposed to have dinner, but our schedule ended up getting all messed up and we weren't going to be able to eat until like 9:30, and then it was at a burger joint, so I secretly ate a Think Thin bar. I felt kind of silly sneaking it, but I was hungry and didn't want to scarf down a bunch of crap later just because I had missed dinner. I ended up not really eating anything once we got to the burger place, but only because the bar filled me up and my only options were burgers and of course I don't do red meat. So I ended up picking at a few of the boy's fries, but besides that I was satisfied and happy I had planned in advance. 

Friday and Saturday I did have higher calorie days, mostly because we went out for dinner both nights and I ended up with a few adult beverages and just generally ate a bit more. I was happy with my choices though and think I did a good job. I think I'm really just going to have to play with my calories a bit to see what really works for me and what doesn't. It seems like it's going to be a lot of tinkering. 

Eating out is what really gets me, it always has. It's just so hard to make a good decision when confronted with so many options. I'm extremely nervous about this when we get home, but also over the next couple of weeks. We've got lots of goodbye lunches and dinners and what not scheduled so I'm going to have to be very aware of what I'm doing. In fact, I need to go get ready for a goodbye lunch right now. I am meeting a girlfriend down by the river. I don't know where we're going, but she's American too and we tend to like similar things, so hopefully she'll choose something good. Tomorrow's my weigh-in day, and I'm hoping it goes well. Fingers crossed.