Butternut Squash Salad

Just wanted to show you my delish dinner tonight. It consisted of:

Tons of spinach
Roasted butternut squash
apple slices
candied walnuts
Rotisserie chicken breast.

So good. And I candied the walnuts myself! Probably not the best, but a little sugar isn't going to kill me when I have a nutritious dinner like this. Weigh in tomorrow. We'll see how it goes.

Failure Happens

Oh hi. I haven't been around here in a couple of weeks, and for that I'm sorry. A few rough things happened, including a major bout of insomnia (more on this later), getting sick and the death of my hard drive, and I've been trying to put things back together again. My weight is the same, no real gains, no real losses. I'm sick of maintaining. But you've heard that sad song before. So I'm not going to sing it.

I'm here to say I don't know if I'm going to make my 160 by December goal. I'm still trying, but I'm cutting myself some slack with the realization that I want to enjoy fall, enjoy Halloween and the onslaught of food that comes with all of the holidays, and I don't want to feel guilty about it. No I'm not throwing the baby out with the bathwater and I am still actively trying to lose weight. In fact I am still going to try to make that goal of 160. I'm just giving myself permission to fail I guess.

Is that the right way to go about it? Some will say no. Some think you can't cut yourself any slack, and if you do you are just setting yourself up to fail. I was probably one of those people way back when. But I'm not like that anymore, I CAN'T be like that anymore. I don't want to be miserable because I'm forcing myself to follow some arbitrary rules that I put in place. I won't. So yes, I hope to make my 160 goal by December 17. That is still 8 weeks away and stranger things have been done. But if I don't, well, that's just going to have to be ok.

Anyway, tonight is Monday Night Football and the Broncos are playing, so my sister and brother-in-law are coming over for tacos. I bought the Garden of Eatin Blue Corn Taco Dinner Kit because it was the only taco seasoning packet I could find without MSG and only taco shells I could find without hydrogenated oils, so I'll be using that and some ground organic turkey to whip up a healthy, fun taco night. Reading ingredients is something I will never stop doing now that I've started, but honestly it is so depressing. I feel like everything I look at has SOMETHING wrong with it. MSG, trans-fat, GMOs, high-fructose corn syrup, the list is endless.

All I know is I feel good about the choices I make when it comes to being conscious about my purchasing decisions. I really do feel like I'm voting with my wallet when it comes to grocery shopping. So yeah, I may not be perfect when it comes to weight loss, but for the most part I am a healthy, conscious consumer and I'm putting good things into my body. Even if it is full-fat cheese.

Books, Brownies and Bells

I reserved The End of Overeating at the library and guess what number I am on the waiting list? 141! Holy crap I guess a lot of people had the same idea I did. I could technically go purchase it but I am trying to cut down on my spending and the library has really been helping with that, so I guess I'll just wait. In the meantime I decided to reserve Naturally Thin, which I've heard pretty good things about. That should be ready for pick up at my local branch in a few days so I'll let you know what I think. I follow Bethenny on twitter and really love her SkinnyGirl margarita (let's face it it's mostly just tequila) so I think it should be an interesting read, if anything.

Yesterday I was having a bit of a craving for chocolate and I got an email from Wh0le Foods about these black bean brownies, so I decided what the heck and decided to give them a shot. Brownies with beans in them? Weird. But OMG they were (are) so good. I cut them into teeny tiny pieces and did the math on Spark People and they came out to about 100 calories each. Perfect little dessert, if you can stop at one. I will be giving most of them away I'm sure.

Man I really need to work on the food photography. So speaking of the brownies, I guess it's about time I spilled the beans here. I started a new blog, it's called (non)Working Girl. It's mostly about my life as an unemployed, 20-something (okay almost 30) woman and it gives me a chance to write, which is what i really love to do. I've still got a lot of work to do in terms of design, etc. but I've been posting so I figured I may as well mention it here. I would love it if you would visit, but I understand if you don't because it's not really weight loss-related. I will be sharing this blog with my friends and family in real life, so if you do come by, please don't mention this blog. Thanks for understanding. :) 

In other news, the boy recently purchased a kettlebell and will be attending a class on what to do with said kettlebell tonight, so I'm really interested to see how that goes. I would like to use them as well but I'm kind of waiting to see what he learns before I check it out. Unfortunately we don't have any at my gym and I don't want to pay to go to another class, so I'll probably have to rely on what he learns and videos we find on the Internet if I do want to give them a shot. Also, I think the weight he purchased is going to be quite a bit too heavy for me, so if I do want to try it out, I'm going to have to buy another one that is just my size. ;) 

That's it for now. Hope you all have a great day! 

Update

First off - let me say sorry I haven't been around since my downer post from last week. I was feeling pretty crappy about it, but you guys are right, I am not a failure. So thank you for all of your sweet comments. I needed them.

Things are better this week, although I did spend pretty much the entire day yesterday answering questions for a potential job opp and if I don't hear from them either I'm sure I will probably be sad. But, I guess if it's meant to be it will be. Maybe I'll just be a lady of leisure for the rest of my life. That's actually not sounding too bad now that the sun has finally come out in Denver and the weather is nice.

I went to yoga tonight and that felt great. Yoga is so weird, I never want to go and even when I get there I'm kind of dreading it the whole time, but when I'm done I'm so happy I went. If only I could force myself to go more often. I think I'm just kind of in my happy place when it comes to working out and I don't like changing up my schedule, even though I know I should because the body gets used to the same moves all the time. I'm just loving kickboxing and the classes change fairly often so I think I'm going to stick to that for a while.

Food has been okay, mostly good, although this weekend was tough as you know weekends can be. Tonight I was going to make a chicken orzo salad but when I took the chicken out of the frig it just smelled a little funny, so I decided to chuck it. Better safe than sorry and I do not want salmonella. Instead I did a quick little search for a zucchini recipe and ended up finding this, which was actually pretty good. We accidentally put a little too much garlic in the dressing, so now the boy and I are doing some Internet searches on how to get rid of garlic breath. I gotta say the mint tea just isn't working.

Alright I am boring even myself so I will end this post and go cringe at America's Got Talent. Wow.

Beets are Scary

Ahh Monday morning. Once again I am happy for the start of the week to be here. The weekend just seems to throw off my routine too much and while weekends are of course always fun, I am a creature of habit. And I happen to like my habits. Especially when they are good ones. 

This was a good weekend, the engagement party went off without a hitch. I MAY have been slightly over-served, (wink, wink) but that's okay. We had a great time. Actually I think what contributed to my inebriation was the fact that I was trying to be so careful about accounting for a few glasses of wine in terms of my calorie allotment and I didn't end up eating enough. Empty stomach + too much alcohol when you haven't been drinking for a while = bad news. 

I survived though and actually didn't lose my shit on Sunday either. I wanted to go to Dairy Queen, but chose a frozen yogurt instead. And I wanted to get movie theater popcorn, but I made some at home in my popper instead. I think those were good choices. And even though the scale is up this morning, I know it's probably just the salt I ate yesterday and hopefully those lbs will go away after a day of clean eating. Official weigh-in is on Wednesday. 

Today I have an interview, so that should be interesting. Of course it's at 1:00, and it's about 30 minutes away, which means I have to leave an hour before because I am a freak and if I get lost it might be a disaster and I might hyperventilate, and I'd just rather sit in my car for 20 minutes and be early than even have to worry for one second that I might be late. So that means I have to leave at 12, which is right around lunchtime, and isn't it sort of pathetic that I'm worried about how my interview is going to make me re-arrange my eating schedule? Wow. That is sad. I guess I'll just have a snack before I go and then have a proper lunch afterward, because while I don't want my stomach growling, I'd rather not be full of food and lethargic during it anyway. 

Yeah so there's that. I'm hoping it goes well but that's all I'll really say about that until afterward because you never know who's watching. This is the Internets after all. 

Oh question: does anyone know what to do with beets? We got some in our CSA delivery this week and I am at a loss. I want to include them with a meal this week but honestly, I have no idea. They look like they were pulled directly out of the ground. Do I peel them? Then cook them? Or just eat them raw? I guess I'll have to do some research on this one. 

Chicken City

Happy Thursday. I am just home from a sorely needed brow wax and chillaxing on the couch because I am pretty knackered from a yoga class I went to this morning. More on that later though. 

First, I'm actually feeling pretty proud of myself because I, along with my grill-master husband, made an awesome dinner last night. We made this Rosemary Mustard chicken, along with grilled artichokes and for dessert, grilled pears! Yum. It ended up being so delicious and pretty much a perfectly healthy meal. After that we settled in to watch the Nuggets obliterate the Mav's (woot!) and I drank a cup of peppermint tea while the boy and his brother had beers. Score for me! I went to bed feeling just a tiny bit hungry, which I really enjoy. I like the idea that my body is burning fat while I'm sleeping, even if biologically that's not really true.

This morning I got up and had some greek yogurt with frozen blueberries for breakfast, went straight to Target to get a new yoga mat, and then hit a Vinyasa class at a studio only about 6 blocks from my gym. I really liked the studio and think I'll be going back - I can't believe how much I've missed doing yoga. I think I get so caught up in going to classes at the gym and what not and I tend to think of yoga as something extra that I don't really need. Well that is changing because I feel great today, totally stretched out and zen. I'm definitely tired though, my body is not used to all of those poses anymore, and I can already tell I'm going to be sore in the shoulders and back. Good sore though!

Had leftover grilled chicken with a salad for lunch, and come to find out we're grilling chicken with our BFFs tonight, so I guess that's kind of a lot of chicken for one day, but oh well. I'm just happy we're doing something healthy instead of ordering pizza. It's going to take enough willpower to show up with a bottle of Perrier instead of a bottle of wine, but I'm going to do it anyway! And probably get some shit for it but oh well. The weekend is fast approaching, and with it my first test of my newfound resolve. I feel great though so it's all good. Hope you all are feeling good too. 

Weigh In and Goals Update

173.8. That's a loss of two pounds since two weeks ago, when I set my goals. I didn't weigh in last week because I'm a slacker and I have no excuse for it. Wasn't a good start to achieving those goals but here I am now and that's what counts right? So let's see, I'm on my way to my 5 lb loss by May 1, so goal #3 is on its way to being met. Woo to the hoo! It is SO nice to see the numbers go down on the scale for once. Maybe it was those Brussels sprouts I had last night? More on those later...

Sorry, I'm totally out of order, so now I'm going back to Goal #1, which was to work out 4-6 times a week. I just got home from kickboxing, which was my third workout this week, and I plan to hit Camp24 tomorrow and snowboard Saturday, so that will make a minimum of five workout this week.  I may even try to run Friday depending on the weather/how I feel because I woke up this morning kind of snotty and icky. I better not be getting sick because I am a pillar of freaking health. A pillar I tell you. 

Anyway. Goal #2 was stay within my calorie range 6 days a week. Eh. I don't think I've been perfect but I'm doing what I can. I'm still struggling with my alcohol intake on weekends. I swear it's just a couple of glasses of wine at a baby shower (and you KNOW I needed them) and then a couple of glasses that night, okay maybe three, but it just adds up and it's killing me. I haven't been going over by much, but I don't want to be replacing healthy food calories with alcohol calories (i.e. drunkorexic) so I'm just trying to find my balance. During the week I seem to be doing great, so I guess I'll just keep doing the best I can and one of these days I will figure it out. 

Goal #3, we've already been over, and goal #4 was to improve my form in kickboxing. LOL. For real. I am still mostly flailing about, in fact today I had a particularly bad day, but I'm blaming that on the fact that I haven't been sleeping well and I'm not feeling great today. I was just so tired and when I'm tired, I have crappy form. So we'll keep working on that.

Goal #5 was to cook, and I've been doing that! I made veggie chili for lunch yesterday and then last night I made Brussels sprouts. Hmm, how do I say this politely? I don't think I'll be buying them frequently. I roasted them with olive oil and salt and pepper and they looked quite lovely coming out of the pan, but the insides were just a little mushy for me. Maybe I didn't cook them long enough? I don't know, I'm going to try again because I have at least two servings left in my frig, so hopefully next time they will come out better. 

On today's menu:

B: Banana w/ almond butter

L: turkey sandwich, small side salad

S: spicy trail mix

D: leftover veggie chili

I guess that's it for me today. I know this was kind of a a boring post, but it's so good for me to write out updates on my goals like this. Now if I can only keep it up! I hope you all have a wonderful day. :) 

Random Blah Blah

I have been having trouble getting motivated to write. So instead of something coherent I guess I'll just word vomit and see if anything interesting comes up. 

Yesterday I went to everyone's favorite health store and spent my whole non-existent paycheck. Ridiculous, but I hadn't been grocery shopping in a while and I've committed to locking myself in my house and eating every meal at home save a lunch date on Friday. The boy is out of town this week for a conference, so it's pretty easy for me to eat whatever I want and not have to worry about making extra for him. Typically he eats what I eat, but I always make an extra carb or side dish for him (risotto, tortillas for tacos, that kind of thing) so not having to do that is kind of fun. Actually, if I'm being honest, I haven't really cooked anything for myself. Last night for dinner I had a turkey sandwich. But I have PLANS to cook. And that's what counts. 

Anyway, while I was at Wh0le F00ds I purchased a new sweetener that I am now attempting to enjoy in my coffee. It's called XyloSweet, an all natural Xylitol sweetener. Since I'm obsessed with Jillian Michaels and have heard her recommend this on her podcast a couple of times, I decided to give it a shot. I've eliminated most artificial sweeteners from my diet, I'm off diet soda and try not to buy too much sugar free stuff (although I'm still sort of addicted to SF pudding, but I'm working on that). However, this means that lately in my coffee, I've just been using full sugar, full fat creamer and I'm here to tell you this was not a good idea. Aside from the fact that is full of crap and the calories can add up quickly, it was so sweet and delicious in the morning it was giving me cravings all day. So, I'm hopeful that trying XyloSweet will nip that in the bud and also help me get rid of cravings. 

Now I know you're probably thinking, "but aren't you just replacing one artificial sweetener with another?" And I was thinking that too, but apparently this stuff is all natural, not bleached and processed within and inch of it's life like Splenda (which I still like) and Aspartame. I don't know, I haven't done loads of research on it yet and I can't debate the merits per se, but it tastes ok in my coffee so I'm going to give it a shot. I did learn that it is toxic to dogs, so I'll be keeping it away from the dogger. 

Oh yeah I also got some Jay Robb protein powder for smoothies and man, that stuff is good. I made one yesterday with chocolate protein powder, water, and almond butter and it was freaking delish. I have been having trouble figuring out how/what to eat on Mondays when I go to kickboxing from 6:30-7:30, which is during my normal dinner hour. So yesterday I made the protein shake around 5 as a pre-workout meal, then came home and had a small turkey sandwich around 8. This seemed to work well, I was properly fueled for my workout and I think I got the right nutrients I needed afterward too.

Today I'm going to make some veggie chili around lunchtime to have for the rest of the week, and I'm going to hit the Camp24 class at 4:30. I'm thinking about staying for step afterward, I've seen some people who do that, but for some reason I'm terribly afraid of taking a step class. What if I trip over the step and fall on my face? What if I sprain my ankle? What if my thong hangs out? We'll see. 

Dinner is going to consist of leftover chicken salad and tomato soup. I guess it's a good thing it snowed last night and is freezing today, I'll get my soup fix in times two today! 

P.S. I'm watching the View, and why oh why does Lady GaGa not ever wear pants?  

Mother Lovin GOALS

Good bad up down on off. Consistency has left the building. Actually I don't know if I EVER had it. The past two months have just been hard. I really feel like every day is a battle. When it comes to my food choices, I'm just not strong. I can plan and plan but it seems I have one little slip-up and my whole day gets turned on it's side. Too much alcohol one night turns into pizza and cookies the next day. A bite of my husband's french fries and suddenly I want to go out for ice cream. Who is this person? Not me. 

The good news is I have been working out like a fiend. And I do have my good days. So at least I'm maintaining. And I think I may even be down a pound or so this week, but I'm still up at least four lbs from my lowest weight, and I don't know if I'll ever break that elusive 170 barrier. Actually eff that, I do know. I'm putting it out in the universe. Isn't that what we're supposed to do? I will see the 160's in March or April. As fatblogland as my witness, I will do this. 

In that spirit, I think I need a few more goals. SMART goals. Specific, measurable, achievable, r.... what's the r stand for again? And t? I don't know t either. Anyway, the first three will do. 

So, a few small goals, and a few bigger goals. 

1. Workout 4-6 times per week. This should be a breeze given my current level of activity. I am including snowboarding and snowshoeing in this as well as trips to the gym, outdoor runs, bike rides, whatever else I come up with. This does not include walking the dog. 

2. Stay within my calorie range at least 6 days a week. I can go over one day IF it is a day that I have worked out and IF I have stayed in my range the other six days. It isn't an all-out blowout, but I will allow myself some extra calories. 

3. Lose a minimum of 5 lbs by May 1. I know I can do this. I will do this. This will be 5 lbs below my official weigh-in as of tomorrow, February 25. 

4. Improve my form in kickboxing. I am loving this workout right now and I want to improve. I don't know how to measure that, but I think aiming to always jack instead of march might be a good start. Also to try to actually kick out instead of just toward the ground. 

5. Cook. Starting with going to the grocery store right now. 

Okay I think that's it. I feel good having some goals down. 

I should be on a cooking reality show

Because I am THAT good. I made the BEST dinner tonight. I am such a superstar. I mean truly, I rock. I love having an oven and Wh0le F00ds and my iPod in my kitchen. Shit, Americans are truly lucky. So I can't find a job right now, I'm up half the night worrying about stupid crap like whether that little clip from my snowpants is still on the dryer, and I had to go the dentist today. I had an awesome dinner. 

My dentist is down south near my parent's house (I've been going to him forever) and so after I was done, I went to the the mecca that is the Wh0le F00ds down there. We have a pretty nice one sort of close to me, but not close enough to justify going there a lot. But the one I went to this afternoon is freaking amazing. It's huge and full of so much gorgeous food it is just ridiculous. I probably could have spent two or three hours in there just walking around, but I was sort of in a rush so I just picked up a few things here and there. I didn't really know what to do about dinner so I ended up getting these pre-made spinach and feta salmon burgers, some broccoli and some sweet potatoes. So good. 

OMG American Id0l just totally effed up. Ha ha. Seacrest is not that great of an improviser. Okay side note over. 

The thing about dinner was that is was so easy. I turned the oven to 425, threw in the sweet potatoes, prepped the broccoli, (used this recipe, and it truly is the best broccoli of your life) and then threw that in. The salmon burgers were already together, so all I had to do was saute them for about five minutes on each side. Piece of cake and ended up all being so so good. 

Now that I'm all full of healthy food I'm settling in to watch BL and read some blogs. Oh yeah and I've been on twitter for a while as my normal self, but I decided to set up a special account just for this blog, so if you're interested, I'm here. I' think I'm going to experiment with tweeting my food and exercise as well as you know, all my witty thoughts throughout the day. :) 

P.S. This weekend was great - we did a 6 mile snowshoe! Holy crap. I hate my husband sometimes. I mean love. I love him. 

ETA: Just realized DG totally posted about this broccoli today too. Or maybe yesterday. Anyway, it's broccoli time in fatblogland. 

Lots of things

Okay I think I've talked myself off of the ledge with the baby thing. I know I don't need to have a baby right this minute. If I want to work on myself for a while longer, be selfish and enjoy this time with my husband, that's okay. I've accepted that. Life is what you make it. And while I'm still thinking about starting a family pretty soon, I know whatever decision I ultimately make, this isn't the only thing that defines me. 

As far as the whole diet realm goes, I've been struggling a bit. I got back on the south beach bandwagon right after the new year, but it has definitely been harder sticking to it now that I'm faced with so many more temptations. This weekend I sort of lost my mind and had a crazy ridiculous day that included ordering pizza and Dairy Queen (WTF???). Anyway, this, along with numerous other indiscretions, led to a 1.8 lb gain this week. Boo. I totally deserve it, but it sucks. Once again I find myself wavering just over that 170 lb barrier. 

I don't know why but I just cannot seem to get past that number. It is driving me up the mother effing wall. It's like I get to this comfortable place, where I'm cozy and feeling on the thinner side and then all of the sudden I just hit a wall. And I gain. I realize I even talked about this in my last post, and then what did I go and do this week? I gained. Of course.

I have got to figure out some way to turn this around. I know what to do. But man it is hard. And this week is going to be a major test, because we are heading to Vegas for the weekend. Oh Vegas. Booze and food and no sleep. I'm going to try to combat those issues though and bring some healthy snacks, really watch my alcohol intake and stick to ordering the healthy basics I know will help get me toward my goals. 

In other news, I joined the big chain gym by my house, which is completely too crowded, but way less expensive than the gym I belonged to before I left for Singapore. I tried a pilates class this morning and absolutely hated it. I hated the instructor, all the people in there, everything about it. There was no direction on form, no fundamentals. We just flew through the exercises without a second thought. It sucked. If I hadn't had the basics of pilates down I would have had no clue what I was doing. And I probably would have injured myself. That is not good. I was really annoyed when the class was over, so I hopped on the elliptical and did 40 minutes to blow off some steam.  It ended up being an okay workout, but it still annoys me that they have crap classes like that at the gym. I did like kickboxing last week, so maybe I'll try that again next week. 

Tonight I'm making a delicious recipe that I found on Kalyn's Kitchen. It's baked chicken stuffed with sun-dried tomato pesto, basil and goat cheese. OMG this stuff is the bomb-diggity. I am on a big goat cheese kick now that I have access to it. I can hardly get enough. I'll probably pair this with a spinach salad (yes, with some goat cheese). On that note, I better get cooking!

Klutz-o-rama

Weigh in day - down 1.8 lbs! Woot! I'm happy, really happy given the extravagance of Saturday night. Looking back, one high calorie day isn't so bad. In fact I think it's a good thing to switch it up now and then. Whatever I'm doing, it's working so it is ALL GOOD. No excuses for another crazy night, but I'm just sayin'. 

Today I am a klutz for some reason. This morning I mixed up some Fage Greek yogurt with some frozen blueberries. It turned into this beautiful shining blue bowl of healthy goodness. And as I sat on the couch, distractedly trying to read the Interwebs and eat at the same time, I dumped it all over floor. Blue goo all over the carpet. Yes the housekeeping staff of this lovely service apartment does not love me. I ended up with some hard-boiled eggs. Can't make too much of a mess with those. 

Workout was awesome today. I didn't feel like going, but I went and did a weight circuit, arms, legs, the whole bit, with two minute jogs here and there thrown in to keep the heart rate up. I also downloaded this podcast and added it on the end of my workout. Jillian Michaels I'm obsessed with you. You are a goddess. Major girl crush on Jillian. Don't tell my husband. Luckily when I almost fell on my face during the plank pose there wasn't anyone else in the gym. 

This afternoon, same thing happened as this morning, only this time with my celery and peanut butter snack. I just cannot keep my food on the plate. Or in my mouth. Maybe I should stop trying to multi-task and just focus on eating my food when I'm eating my food. Duh. 

Tonight I'm making a Mexican fiesta. Boy will have burrito(s) and I will have a taco salad. No shell of course. Delish. Let's hope I can get through dinner without ruining the rug. 

Boredom

Boring. I feel like I have been eating the same foods over and over and I am getting bored. 

Isn't this the classic weight loss issue? You find something that works, something you maybe even like, and you eat it. A lot. You overdo it. Then you get sick of it or you get bored with it and you go off of your plan because you want something different and then you run into trouble. 

This is how it always happens with me. And usually, when I'm in my weight loss mode, I overcompensate for this boredom by spending entirely too much time online, scouring the web for recipes. That way I can find new favorites and go-to's. 

It hasn't been so easy to do this in Singapore. Why? Because we live in a tiny service apartment. It's furnished, with dishes and pots and pans, but in a very sparse way. I have four plates. Four bowls. Four forks, knives, spoons. One big pot. One small pot. One big frying pan. I have a stove top with four burners. I have a refrigerator the size of a greeting card. And I have a microwave. 

I don't have an oven. I didn't have a cheese grater until I specially requested one. My knives are pathetically un-sharp. I don't have a blender or a food processor. I definitely don't have a dishwasher. Not to mention the fact that finding my preferred ingredients, not always so easy. 

It really hasn't been that bad. I've been making lots of soups and chili and salads. I can scramble and sauté with the best of 'em. I can microwave the hell out of anything you can throw at me. 

I've been managing, but I'm definitely ready to get back to my kitchen. I want options. I want to make baked sweet potato fries. I want to have a smoothie for breakfast. I want to pulverize some veggies and make fresh salsa. I want to dive headfirst into Cooking Light and see what I can come up with. 

For now, I'll stick to my tuna salads for lunch. My veggie chili for dinner. All of my healthy basics. And yeah, I'm probably going to have to go get my fill of some very unhealthy Singaporean food that I won't be able to have for a long time. I'm going to keep it in check though and hopefully, leave this country quite a bit lighter than I was when I entered it.