Swimming

Okay I know I said I wasn't going to try to rock a bikini for my 30th birthday Mexico trip in December, but man I really wish I could. I don't know what possessed me, but for some reason I started looking at swimsuits online this morning and I just couldn't stop.

Let me back up. The last swimsuit I purchased was at the illustrious Target, and while it has done quite well for me over the past two years, it was officially retirement time when the summer ended. I spent a lot of time at the pool when we were living in Singapore, and between that and occasional use this summer, it is just shot. It's a classic tankini and I really liked it, cute black and white flower pattern on top and solid black bottoms, and I guess I felt as good in that suit as I could possibly feel in a suit.  Which probably isn't saying a whole lot, but still. But now the elastic is gone, it's all stretched out, and you know, nobody's girls look good in a stretched out top.

I probably should have looked for a new suit at the end of the summer, but I guess I sort of had it in the back of my mind that I was going to lose! all! this! weight! so I should wait until I really needed one to do it. Man it kills me that I still do that all the time, put off buying things or doing things until I lose weight, because honestly, that is such a stupid thing to do. I am not putting anything on hold until I lose weigh anymore!

Sorry, tangent. Anyway, now I'm going to Mexico and while I don't leave until December 17, I want to find something that I feel really happy and comfortable in. I probably won't make a purchase until early December, but I want to have a plan of action so I don't start freaking out about it and then just end up going with my old stretched out suit. Typically I prefer a tankini because it's just easier to go to the bathroom, etc. but I've been looking and some of the one-pieces out there now are pretty cute.

What do you guys think? Have any good brands you recommend? Pissed off that I'm even mentioning swimsuits in November?

ETA: I had some pics of swimsuits up here but they disappeared! ARgh! Sorry about that.

Check In

Oh man. Well I guess I am on my second day of "getting my shit together, take 1,347,984." It is going well so far, as it usually does during the week. I am feeling good about the fact that I was invited to go out for lunch by a friend and I asked if we could do coffee instead. For me, eating out, even though I usually sometimes make good choices, just typically means more calories in my bod. Not to mention the amount of money it costs!

Anyway, I guess I'm here to check in for myself more than anything else. It is my weigh-in day, and I was at 172 even, so there's that. Not really good or bad yet, just is what it is. Last night I had your classic healthy dinner of salmon and broccoli, with a little risotto thrown in for good measure. Today's meals consist of Ezekial toast w/ almond butter and honey for breakfast and scrambled eggs with spinach and laughing cow cheese for lunch. Not sure what's on tap for dinner yet, although I suspect we'll have turkey burgers or whole wheat pasta. Or maybe black bean soup. That sounds pretty delicious. And Bob challenged me (okay fine everyone who follows him on Twitter) to eat 40 grams of fiber today, so I am definitely going to need some beans to hit that goal.

This morning I went to kickboxing and it was brutal, as usual. I swear I am on the road to death every Wednesday morning. You'd think it would be routine by now but it's not. I guess that's why I love it so much. I ran on the treadmill yesterday and realize running just doesn't make me as happy as kickboxing does. I just find it so monotonous, even when I have good music. I do like listening to my podcasts while I'm incline walking, but I need some beatz when I'm running, ya know?

Hope everyone had a good hump day. I'll holla at ya later.

Okay it is time to admit it, I am struggling. I do not want to come back here in two months, after the holidays are over, and have gained weight. Back on August 25th I "re-dedicated" myself to losing weight, specifically 17 lbs in the 17 weeks before my trip to Mexico, and it's time to take a hard look at what I've been doing since then. That day I weighed in at 176.6. Today I weighed 172.1. That means I've lost 4.5 lbs since I wrote that post 11 weeks ago. And I don't really even know how realistic that loss is because I tend to fluctuate so much based on how much salt/booze I eat and how big my meals are. So realistically, most of that weight is just water weight anyway.

I guess I'm just frustrated with myself because I was feeling great, on track and kicking ass, and over the past couple of weeks I have really let that slide and have not been focusing on my goals. And then last night, I came across Lucas' post about how difficult it can be to push through when you feel and look great (and by the way you look great if you're reading this lady!). Reading that post was sort of like a catalyst for me. As I read through the comments, I thought, this is me! This is the issue I am constantly struggling with.

I am a healthy, fit girl. I work out 4-5 times a week. I eat healthy foods. I feel good. BUT, on the other hand, I'm still overweight. I definitely have extra fat on my body, and it needs to go. And yes I'm fit, but I am by no means where I want to be. I can't run as fast or jump as high as I want to. And I'm pretty sure if Jillian saw me waffling like this, she'd tell me to get over  myself and tackle the issue at hand.

I guess what I'm saying is that although I want to be comfortable in my own skin, I don't want to get TOO comfortable. Because too comfortable leads to lax behavior, like pizza every Sunday night and beers during the Bronco game and then suddenly it will be Thanksgiving and Christmas and I'll have eaten everything in site and gained 15 lbs. I know my body and I know that is a very real possibility, and I will not let that happen this year.

Instead I, once again, am setting out my intentions here. I'm going to do the very best I can not to let the holidays overwhelm me. I'm going to limit my vino consumption, because that is constantly getting me in trouble. I'm going to get in those workouts 5 times a week and I am going to focus on training to get better for snowboarding season, which is rapidly approaching. I'm going to remove the excess sugar I've been consuming. I'm going to count my calories, and I'm going to stick to my limits. I'm not going to ruin five days of healthy behavior with two days of excess. NOT GONNA DO IT.

On that note, I am heading to the gym. Time to stop talking about it and actually do it. :)

I Love My Body

So I've heard (or read) through the grapevine that today is Love Your Body Day. And I just wanted to come here and say that I LOVE MY BODY.

I love how even though sometimes I worry that my lips are too small, I can break them into a big wide bright smile.

I love how my eyes are sometimes green and sometimes blue and sometimes hazel, depending on what I'm wearing.

I love looking in the mirror when I'm working out in the gym and seeing my strong muscles flex as I lift something heavy.

I love my hourglass figure and the curve of my waist.

I love my perfectly straight hair.

I love that my fingers are double jointed.

I love that I can kick the crap out of my husband playing Wii Boxing because of all that my body has learned going to kickboxing.

I love that I can run and jump and sweat and breathe. Sometimes all it takes is to just breathe.

Even though I'm constantly striving to improve, I can honestly say that I LOVE MY BODY. And I hope you love yours too.

Butternut Squash Salad

Just wanted to show you my delish dinner tonight. It consisted of:

Tons of spinach
Roasted butternut squash
apple slices
candied walnuts
Rotisserie chicken breast.

So good. And I candied the walnuts myself! Probably not the best, but a little sugar isn't going to kill me when I have a nutritious dinner like this. Weigh in tomorrow. We'll see how it goes.

Failure Happens

Oh hi. I haven't been around here in a couple of weeks, and for that I'm sorry. A few rough things happened, including a major bout of insomnia (more on this later), getting sick and the death of my hard drive, and I've been trying to put things back together again. My weight is the same, no real gains, no real losses. I'm sick of maintaining. But you've heard that sad song before. So I'm not going to sing it.

I'm here to say I don't know if I'm going to make my 160 by December goal. I'm still trying, but I'm cutting myself some slack with the realization that I want to enjoy fall, enjoy Halloween and the onslaught of food that comes with all of the holidays, and I don't want to feel guilty about it. No I'm not throwing the baby out with the bathwater and I am still actively trying to lose weight. In fact I am still going to try to make that goal of 160. I'm just giving myself permission to fail I guess.

Is that the right way to go about it? Some will say no. Some think you can't cut yourself any slack, and if you do you are just setting yourself up to fail. I was probably one of those people way back when. But I'm not like that anymore, I CAN'T be like that anymore. I don't want to be miserable because I'm forcing myself to follow some arbitrary rules that I put in place. I won't. So yes, I hope to make my 160 goal by December 17. That is still 8 weeks away and stranger things have been done. But if I don't, well, that's just going to have to be ok.

Anyway, tonight is Monday Night Football and the Broncos are playing, so my sister and brother-in-law are coming over for tacos. I bought the Garden of Eatin Blue Corn Taco Dinner Kit because it was the only taco seasoning packet I could find without MSG and only taco shells I could find without hydrogenated oils, so I'll be using that and some ground organic turkey to whip up a healthy, fun taco night. Reading ingredients is something I will never stop doing now that I've started, but honestly it is so depressing. I feel like everything I look at has SOMETHING wrong with it. MSG, trans-fat, GMOs, high-fructose corn syrup, the list is endless.

All I know is I feel good about the choices I make when it comes to being conscious about my purchasing decisions. I really do feel like I'm voting with my wallet when it comes to grocery shopping. So yeah, I may not be perfect when it comes to weight loss, but for the most part I am a healthy, conscious consumer and I'm putting good things into my body. Even if it is full-fat cheese.

DC Bound

Hi hi hi! I'm going to make this quick because I'm leaving for the airport in a few minutes, but I wanted to check in before I go. This week - think I should see a loss but I won't be able to weigh in officially on my scale tomorrow because I'll be in D.C. I did weigh in this morning and was down .4, which I know is not very much and still in line with my SLOW losses, but I think by tomorrow maybe it'll be more? Who knows?

Anyway, I'm not worrying too much about what the scale says because I know I have been on track and doing things right and I feel good. This weekend was a little higher calorie, but I've come to accept that is always going to happen because I just eat out more on the weekends and even when you make good choices, there is just always MORE and you can't control things the way you can when you're at home. So yes, even though I chose the grilled fish tacos at the Mexican restaurant, I still had some tortilla chips and a Corona Light. But that is what makes life enjoyable and I am not changing that!

So my trip: I leave for DC tonight! Hooray! I'm so excited to go see some of my old friends from grad school and see my husband, who I haven't seen in what feels like FOREVER. It's only been ten days but man, I miss that boy. My flight leaves at 5:53 so I have packed some homemade trail mix, a kashi pumpkin spice flax bar, and a single serving bag of Oogies popcorn. That will have to be my dinner. I know there are no vegetables anywhere to be found in that mix, but that's just too bad. I'll have to eat my veggies tomorrow.

I feel good about this trip even though traveling is usually a death knell in my weight loss efforts. I know I will have to eat out every meal and I know that will be difficult, but I'm confident that I'm going to make good decisions. Yes there will probably be drinks with friends multiple nights in a row, but I plan to run around the mall and monuments and hit the hotel gym while the boy is working so I think I will be fine. I've been really interested to see how food bloggers like Kath and Jenna do when they're traveling. They make it seem so easy to make good choices, so I'm going to do my best to follow in their footsteps.

I'll probably be tweeting a little about my trip, but if I don't holla at ya while I'm gone I'll see you next week. Have a good one!