Sunday, February 11, 2007

So things have not been good. I'm struggling hardcore. I'm bursting into tears at the thought of trying to choose where to go for lunch. I'm overeating , nay binging, and not working out and wallowing in self-pity and overall not dealing with my food issues very well. There's a lot of negative self talk going on here.

Basically, I haven't known what to post here because all I can think to say is how much I suck. I haven't been commenting on your blogs. I haven't been answering emails.

So I've taken drastic measures.

Tomorrow I start a five week boot camp. I'm excited and terrified at the same time and I hope the intense workouts are going to give me the strength I need to confront my issues with food. I'm full of hope really - although I fear I've already fucked it up.

My intention for this weekend was to try to eat right and rest up for what I know is going to be a very intense week. Instead we had a small gathering at our house last night, drank way too much vodka, and nursed a hangover with a ton of crappy food today. I feel like shit. And tomorrow I have to do a fitness test that will gauge how many sit ups and push ups and who knows what else I can do. Great.

Oh well, I guess I have to start somewhere. The camp I joined is one of the easiest they offer, and although I have no delusions about just how difficult it will be, I think I'll find I'm actually in better shape than I think. I hope so at least. I know I've lost a lot of fitness since my wedding, but I'm hoping I can bounce back. And the good news is, my sister and a friend are also doing it, so I hope we can motivate each other and all kick some ass together.

So for the next five weeks, for an hour and a half a night, four nights a week, I'll be running, jumping and getting crazy at boot camp. Wish me luck.

P.S. There is a major problem with the hot tub. We came home the day after we filled it and guess what, no water! Oopsie. Guess there's a crack somewhere. So no worrying about the swimsuit issue for now, although thanks to everyone for all of the advice. :)


Jen said...

Best of luck with the bootcamp! I hope keeping us posted on your progress will help to get you back to blogging more regularly...I've missed your posts!

K said...

Good luck!

I booked a fitness assessment once, and when the day came, I had a terrible cold and couldn't breathe properly. I just had to say to myself "Well, when you go for the next one you'll be amazed at the improvement..."

And I'm sure you haven't already fucked anything up. You have five weeks to do this, so one day isn't going to mess up the whole thing.

When I got back into running, I improved much more quickly than when I first started. I didn't believe in "muscle memory" when I heard about it before, but now I do. I'm sure you'll be fine.

Kim said...

I'm sorry to hear that things have been so rough lately. Maybe this boot camp is just what you need to refocus on what it is that really want for yourself. I think that the bottom line is that you can't give up. You deserve to be happy with yourself.

Best of luck with the bootcamp! I can't wait to hear what you think of it.

PearShapedGirl said...

Aw, Jeni, sorry to hear that you've been having a tough time lately. There is nothing worse than that feeling of losing control and letting "the food" take over our lives. I think it's great that you've made a commitment to get back on track. Hopefully that bootcamp kicks your butt (in a good way!). Good luck and try to have fun...

Take care,

PearShapedGirl said...
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Weight Master said...

I'm sorry things haven't gone your way recently. Good luck with boot camp. It's important to pace yourself though. Whatever you do, don't starve yourself. Eat to avoid hunger, but just don't overeat. Don't deprive yourself from the necessare nutritions. That's unhealthy also. Excercise is key. Best wishes.

Peeling off the layers..... said...

Good luck with bootcamp!! You can do it !