Friday, June 30, 2006

Week One Weigh In

Down 2 this week - woo hoo! It feels so good to see that number on the scale because I have been working my ass off to get there. I worked out a total of six days, with almost two hour workouts on Saturday AND Sunday. My dear god. I am so sore right now from working out with the trainer I can barely handle it. Ugh. Sometimes sore isn't so great. But at least I know I'm working at it right?

I also made all of my food goals, so everything seems to be moving right along. Even though I lost 2 lbs this week, it's kind of a bummer to only see the scale move that little bit. When I'm so good like this, I want to be a size 6 instantly! Oh well, I guess that's the way it goes.

I did have two glasses of wine last night for one celebration evening out of four over the next 12 weeks. We closed on our house! It's so exciting, we're actually homeowners now. We can't move in until August 1, but it just feels so good to know that we have a home to start our lives in together and we bought it all by ourselves! Like big kids!

Okay I have to run off to work, but I hope everyone has a fabulous day and weekend ahead.

Monday, June 26, 2006


Devil scale. I'm so annoyed. I had a kick ass weekend. I'm sticking to my plan and I'm feeling awesome about it. So when I woke up Saturday down 3 lbs, I was stoked! Yes! Worked out for almost two hours on Saturday and successfully avoided all alcohol and probing questions. (Yes, there were some, but it's cool). Sunday morning the boy and I got up, drove to Boulder and climbed the second flatiron. I mean have you seen the flatirons? Probably not. But it was fantastic. Amazing. I feel sporty. And I was still down three lbs. Ate well and was feeling great.

So what happens this morning? I'm back up two? WTF? I know the scale is evil and I shouldn't listen to it and maybe my muscles are holding water and all that stuff but it just sucks! Whine! Hopefully it will go back down by my official weigh in on Thursday but if it doesn't I'm going to kick someone's ass. I guess my ass.

Also, I didn't take into account how crazy this week was going to be when I planned it for my first week of the challenge. We're closing on our house on Thursday (fingers crossed, because the lender wants to see my grad school diploma and I can't find it, oopsie, so much for getting a Master's degree). This means we're dealing with lots of phone calls and vendors and blah blah blah it's just craziness. And my mom is all worried about all the step people getting their feelings hurt if we don't invite them to the rehearsal dinner. I'm sorry, but some lady who has been my cousin for three years and I've never really met is not going to be offended if I don't invite her to the rehearsal dinner. Right? Damn broken home shit.

Also, did I mention I'm watching the challenge on MTV right now and Wes is a total a-hole? He says "Johanna (his girl) should fight for her right to be here with me." Ummmm, right. To be there with you. Because you're so effing special. If the boy ever said that to me I would say you can fight for your right to eat my shit because I'm out of here. Wow I'm snarky today. Sorry. I'm actually in a really good mood after a nice 1 hour bike ride and a peanut butter and banana sandwich. I feel like a kid. Good times. Off to read your blogs!

Saturday, June 24, 2006


Okay so looking back on my post from Thursday I was really pumped and maybe my goals are a little too lofty, but I've learned that I do need to aim high in order to get there. So I'm sticking with the plan. So far it's been going great, I'm all sunshine and lollipops. Or whatever.

I'm a little nervous about tonight because it's one of my friend's b-days and people are meeting to get started at my sister's house and then going out downtown. These girls are mainly my sister's friends, a little younger than I am (well really only one year), and they're still fairly in to partying and acting crazy on the weekends and having super hung-over Sundays. I guess for me it just isn't worth it anymore. I've always been kind of low-key and never one to want to go out hardcore every weekend, but I definitely had my share of days like that. Now I'm all domestic and shit and I just want to stay home and hang out with the boy and my dogger. I guess it's just part of my introverted personality. I'm a small group type of gal.

Anyway, so one of my goals for this challenge is to not have any alcohol, and tonight is going to be my first true test. I'm sure I'll get a ton of "why aren't you drinking?" and "C'mon, just have one," etc. For me, it'll probably be easier to just have a diet sprite and pretend it has vodka in it than dealing with all of that crap. Why are people so weirded out when someone decides not to partake? I think it's because people feel sort of bad about their decision in some way, so they want others to do the same thing. It's like when you go out with a bunch of girlfriends and everyone has nachos and french fries and and then one girl gets a salad or something. Suddenly the mood dies and everyone feels like crap because they've made a bad decision.

I don't really know how to deal with situations like these because I've been on both sides of the fence and I know it sucks either way. For me the easiest thing is just to avoid talking about it. But that's hard too because I don't want to hide the healthy lifestyle I've chosen. But I also don't want it to define me in social situations. This time in my life is probably the one time I could get away with being like "I'm dieting for the wedding," but I don't really want to say that because there are so many other reasons I'm doing this. It's not a diet, it's a lifestyle change. Right?

So my plan for today is to go work by butt off at the gym, come home and have a healthy lunch/dinner and then go over with a plan to go hang out, but leave fairly early. The boy knows that I'm nervous about it, so he'll be there to help. But I can do this. It's what I want to do so I'm going to do it, no matter what everyone else is doing. Hope you guys all have a great weekend!

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Challenge Time!

So ladies, (and gents if there are any) I've decided to join Nicole's challenge and I can't tell you how pumped I am right now. I Tiv0ed Oprah on Monday and she was talking about her bootcamp challenge and I just thought to myself; "I can do this." Dammit my wedding is coming up and I want to know that I tried as hard as I could.

So here is my plan:

Working out six to eight times a week. I know this sounds like a lot, but I think I can do it. Working out is actually my strong suit right now and I'm gaining momentum with my running, so I'm aiming high. This will mean two weight workouts a week (one with the trainer) and then four to six cardio workouts. Cardio workout means at least 30 - 60 minutes with my heart rate pumping! Burning some calories y'all! Okay dorkasaurus.

As far as food goes, I'm eliminating alcohol until the wedding except for four special occasions. This is probably going to be the hardest thing for me. As you know (or maybe you don't), I use food and alcohol to make myself comfortable in social situations. I never get wasted or anything, but I definitely enjoy some wine and munchies though, and usually this leads to me consuming waaaay too many calories. I haven't decided what the special occasions will be yet, but I do want to give myself some leeway.

Next up on the food list, I'll attempt to stop eating after 8:00. This is going to be tough because I tend to eat late, but I think I can do it. It's just going to take a lot of planning.

Of course I'll log my calories on SparkPeople, I'll limit white bread and sugar, and try to stay under 1400 calories a day. This is going to be tough, but I am confident.


Lose 25 lbs in the next 12 weeks. I know this is a lot - over 2 lbs a week, but I am going to be focused and I think it's going to happen. If it doesn't, I'll be okay with it. I'm not going to be disappointed.

Quicken my running pace to 11 minute miles. Right now I'm running 14 - 15 minute miles and that is just way too slow. I think if I really commit to running and doing speedwork, I can do this. And when I'm carrying 25 lbs less, it will be THAT much easier.

So I weigh myself every day (I know, bad, but it helps keep me accountable). I started today, so I'm changing my weigh-in day to Thursday. As of this morning I was 183, so let's hope I'm at least in the low 160's by the end of this 12 weeks, and the 150's by the wedding (October 14).

To all those who are joining the challenge - good luck! I can't wait to see how we all do!

Sunday, June 18, 2006

Thanks for the shorts comments guys. I actually went out and ran in them on Thursday and the world didn't implode, so I think everything is going to be okay. I plan to wear them out in public again today in fact.

So things aren't going as well as they had been. I had a good friend's wedding shower yesterday and ended up hanging out with the girls and drinking mimosas for most of the day. Which led to eating a LOT of crappy food. I did try to make up for it with a salad last night, but the damage has already been done. I checked the scale this morning and was up 2.5. Eek. I know it's probably a good deal of carb bloat and water weight and if I get back on track today I should go back down, but I doubt I'll be losing at all this week. I really wanted to keep my good losses going, but I feel okay about it. I know I'll be back to it today and hopefully there won't be too much lasting damage. It really is amazing how just one day of eating can change your body though. I feel kind of gross.

So today is father's day here and I'm going to go over to my parents at some point and maybe even go to the pool. This will be my first venture into a swimsuit this year if it happens. Feh. I'll let you know how it goes. I'm actually a few pounds lower this year than I was last year at this time, so hopefully it won't be that bad. I guess it depends on who else is there really. Okay off to read some blogs. Hope everyone is having a nice weekend.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006


So first let me get this off my chest: I had to wake up at 3:30 this morning for work. And it sucked and I just wanted to whine about it. So whine. Phew, okay done.

I've been doing well - I lost 1.5 lbs again this week, which makes for two weeks in a row of decent losses. THIS is what I need to be doing. I only have like 17 weeks or something until the wedding, so the chances of me getting to goal are pretty much nill. I can still lose a good chunk of weight though, and that's what I intend to do. Yup. Eating is going well, although getting up so early sort of derailed me a bit. I'm still sticking to my allotted calories for the day, but the lack of energy that hit me at about 12:00 and the mini oatmeal chocolate chip cookies sitting in the kitchen at the office were hard to ignore. So I had one, but it was only one and I'm okay with it. I finally came home around 4:30 and crashed hard for a nap, but I woke up ravenous.

Currently I'm sitting here eating one of my new favorite easy dinners - scrambled eggs and spinach wrapped in a low carb tortilla and doused in hot sauce. Not exactly gourmet cooking here, but it makes me happy anyway. I'm skipping out on girl's night tonight because I'm so tired, but I think avoiding all the food and wine that typically go along with girl's night can only be good for me.

So moving on to the real topic at hand: shorts. As you know, I've been overweight for all of my adult life. This means that I have avoided shorts like the plague. I've seen tons of women and men larger than I am wear shorts, but I just never had that confidence. I remember wearing some long baggy shorts in high school when I was a serious punker and probably a size 12, and then I remember one pair of size 14 workout shorts in college, but I rarely ever even wore them to workout. I just hate my knees and my calves and my thighs. Pretty much my legs. I know hate is a strong word and I shouldn't say it, but I just am not happy with the way my legs look and I really haven't ever been. They are short and just look dumpy and stumpy. Not to mention pasty white.

So all of that said, in the past year, I have purchased some cycling shorts, and definitely worn them on my rides. If there is any chance I'll be getting off the bike though, I always bring a pair of pants to put over them so I don't have to walk around with my sausage thighs squeezed in the spandex. So those don't really count.

Now that I've started running and we're experiencing record-breaking heat, it's just silly for me to running down the trial wearing pants or even capris. I mean really, it's silly! So this weekend, even though I'm dreading it, I broke down and purchased a pair of running shorts. When I arrived home this afternoon, they were sitting in the mailbox. I'll admit, when I first opened them, I was terrified. Terrified that they'd be too small, and they'd look ridiculous, and I'd be uncomfortable and would have just spent $30 on fancy running shorts that I'd wear "when I lose weight" like the seven or eight pairs of pants I have in my closet.

But I opened them up, and tried them on, and they actually do fit. They do show my knees, but I guess that's what you have to expect with shorts. They aren't super short though, so I'll be comfortable going out in public. Or at least the workout public. The trail public. I seriously doubt I'll have the balls to wear them to the gym yet, but we'll see. For now, I'm going to wear them on my next run and see how it goes.

So how do you guys feel about shorts? Am I just being neurotic? Are shorts okay?

Sunday, June 11, 2006


Weekend has been good so far. Friday night wasn't so great, I had french fries and beer and dessert. But Saturday I tried to redeem myself, went for a run and made a nice halibut with green beans for dinner with the boy. We had the inspection on the house, and I think we're still going to go through with it. The house is about a million years old (it was built in 1890) so there are some definite issues, but nothing too serious. Let's just hope the sewer scope goes well. I'm actually fairly relaxed about it all. We'll see if that lasts though. :)

So this morning I woke up and met a friend to ride down to Riverfront Park, where the Rocky Mountain Half Marathon was happening. Two of our friends were running it and we wanted to go cheer them on at the finish line. My friend S. finished in 1 hour and 49 minutes. Do you know how great that is? It's like a 8:20 mile. At this point in my running career, which has of course only been about 2 months, I can do maybe a 12 minute mile at my fastest. Now she's been running for many years, is a tiny size 2 and all muscle. But watching her finish so strong made me really think about my athletic goals and what I want to be able to do. I don't know if I'll ever run a half marathon. I'm not sure running is really my thing. I'm trying to do it, but I have a hard time envisioning really doing anything more than I'm doing right now.

But you see, maybe that's my problem. Maybe the reason I'm stagnate and not really losing any weight right now, even though I'm working my ass off in my workouts, is because I just can't envision myself any other way. In all of my adult life, I've weighed at the very least maybe 15 lbs less than I do now. I've always been in double digit sizes. I've always been the chubby girl of the group. All these years I've been trying to lose weight, but I've never really seen myself any other way. I've never really envisioned being a different person. A strong, fit person who could run 13 miles.

The more I think about it, the more I think my perception of myself is really what is holding me back. I've said before that I'm going to fake it till I make it, and I think that might include envisioning myself as that person. I've read about athletes doing this before a big race or competition, and this is how I need to think about this process. Losing weight and becoming a fit person is a competition, but it's a competition with myself. So tonight I'm going to start doing some visualization exercises. This means seeing myself making healthy choices at lunch and dinner, pushing through my tough workouts, and even looking down at the scale and seeing the numbers moving down. I can see myself doing it now...

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Houses and Glasses and Sprinklers Oh My

Wow. Things are so crazy in my life right now. We found a house this weekend. Put an offer in on Saturday, but they made us sweat until last night around 9:30. The good news is, we got it! I'ts under contract! Now we still have to go through all of the mortgage stuff and inspection stuff and yadda yadda yadda, but it's going to be good. We are going to have a house! I can't wait. The backyard is the biggest thing. Don't tell the boy, but I want to get another dogger. I mean, buying a house, planning a wedding, what's potty training a puppy? Right? :)

The other news is I found out I need glasses. I had been having blurry vision for a few weeks and couldn't figure out why. Well duh, I need glasses. I picked them up tonight and am attempting to wear them right now. They are sort of giving me a headache. But they are pretty snazzy I think. I'll post a pic when I'm not all grody from my workout. Do people still say grody? Did people ever say it? I did.

On the weightloss front, I lost 1.5 lbs this week. I thought I was going to lose two or more but I guess that didn't happen. Oh well. At least we're going in the downward direction. I did a 45 minute run yesterday morning down the path before work and it was good. I was shuffling along like I always do and feeling pretty good about getting my workout in before work. I only had about 6 minutes left - I was so close to home. And so tired. I was *this* close to walking. And then the damn sprinklers came on. And Jeni has a white shirt on. I mean granted, I had a big ole robo sports bra on underneath, but still. So what could I do except sprint? And you know what, I ended up cutting almost 2 minutes off of my time! Woo hoo, I should sprint more often. They say the only way to run faster is to run faster, and I think I see what "they" mean.

So far so good this week except for a silly cookie this afternoon that I didn't need. Girl's night is tomorrow and we're celebrating two birthdays, which means cake. I am going to do everything in my power not to eat cake. In fact I hate cake. Cake is disgusting. Bleh. Gross cake.

Saturday, June 03, 2006

On Blogland

Hey hey hey. Okay so I've been on a blog-reading tear lately and adding a zillion new blogs to my RSS feeds. I love hearing about everyone's successes. Here's a problem though, I think all this reading is having both positive and negative effects. The positive effects are of course that I'm inspired and get excited for people. I don't have tons of BFFs in blogland, but I do have some people who I feel I've really connected with - even if it is just through comment boxes. :)

The negative effects are that I simply am not doing as well as a lot of the people out there, and it makes me sad. I see some of you who have literally lost 15 pounds in the past 6 weeks (made that up, but you get the idea) and what have I done in the past six weeks? Gained two lbs. Lame. It makes me sad that I suck so much that I can't actually lose this weight. The thing is, I know I can lose this weight. I've lost weight before and I've got all the tools I need to do it again.

I was looking back over my geeky spreadsheets from the past few years this morning and I just got so pissed about it. In October of 2004 I was down to 171. That was the lowest weight I'd seen in I don't know how long. The date that was recorded was October 28. Right before Halloween. Then it just starts going up. Goes up for 2 months, back down a little in January when I'm sure I made some New Year's resolutions, and then back up. And down. And up. And down. And on and on and on. What have I done to my body? To my brain even? I have been fucking with myself for so long that I don't know which way is up anymore. Literally.

Anyway, I'm pissed about all this and I'm pissed that I can't be like other bloggers out there who are kicking such ass right now. I want to kick ass dammit. Whine whine whine. Okay I think it's all out and I'm going to quit whining now. The good news is I feel like I'm really back on track now. I guess I'm just scared that I'm saying that and I've said it before and we've all seen what's happened before.

This week has been good though. As of this morning I was down 2 lbs, and I still have until Tuesday for my actual weigh-in. I've spent over 6 hours working out this week. Yesterday the trainer was having me do sprints and I kept having to slow down because my pants were falling down. (I think they've always been a little too big though, so I'm not really counting that yet until I see my measurements.) Last night the boy and I went to dinner, and although we did order dessert, I didn't eat more than 4 bites. It just wasn't that good. It wasn't worth it. I also had some delicious halibut instead of ordering a heavy pasta.

This post is completely random and I'm sure you all think I'm completely bipolar, but I guess I just need to talk myself into thinking that things are okay. Actually believing that things are okay. It's like I said before, "fake it till you make it." Okay actually I never said those exact words, but I wanted to say them, I just couldn't remember them.

This afternoon we're going to look at houses with our realtor, so keep your fingers crossed that we find something. We have literally looked at one million houses and just can't find something we like, so I hope today is the day. I want a backyard! I want to run and play with the dogger in my new backyard! Don't get me wrong, I love my condo, but I think it's just time for us to do the domestic thing and have a real house. Fun. Have an excellent Saturday!

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Run Completed!

Woo, I completed my run this afternoon! 5K in 40 minutes, all without stopping. I did have some sever pains (gas maybe?) during the run and I thought about stopping to walk about a billion times, but I pressed on. Maybe I was having sympathy kidney stone pains for the boy? I doubt it. Anyway, I feel good about it all. Now I'm off to feed my blog addiction!

Do you know the pain?

Do you know the pain of kidney stones? I don't, but the boy does now. We spent the morning at the hospital trying to figure out why he was writhing in pain and it turns out he has kidney stones. Poor thing. And of course bitchy Jeni was pissed at him for waking me up early. Oopsie. What the hell is wrong with me? Why can't I be nice to people I love? Even when they do wake me up at 4:45 a.m. Dammit.

Things are better now. He's got the painkillers and seems to be doing okay, although I'm sure the pain will come back once he has to pass the stones. I've heard it's devastating. Yick. I was planning on going on a run this morning before work but obviously that didn't happen, so I'm going to try to get it in tonight. We'll see if that actually happens. I want it to though, because I took yesterday off and I don't like taking two days in a row. I will push through the tiredness.

This whole situation has thrown off my eating schedule a little, but I think I'm doing okay. I've eaten about 950 calories so far and only want to eat 1200, so I'm going to have to have a teeney tiny dinner. The good news is; it's made me realize how lucky I am to have my health. I'm overweight, yes. But I'm not in constant physical pain. I can see and walk and run and jump. Things are good. Things are going to be okay.