Friday, February 29, 2008


Well the dinner with the husband's boss went fine. We had a traditional Swiss dish called Raclette. Have you guys ever had it? It's sort of like fondue, only you kind of melt the cheese over the veggies/meat under a little burner thing. It was actually kind of awesome - I want to buy a set. I loaded up on veggies only and although it was a lot of cheese, I think I did pretty well. I had broccoli, zuchinni, squash, asparagus, red and green peppers and snap peas. I also had 2 tiny pieces of bread, but for the most part I was very pleased with myself.

I ended up making a chocolate chip cake to bring - it is a very naughty recipe but I thought they would appreciate something homemade, and I was right. I also had a teeny tiny slice of that but I counted it in my daily points allotment and when all was said and done, yesterday ended up being a pretty damn good day. I did get on the scale this morning, as I do every morning, and was up a little, but I'm okay with that, I figure its mostly bloat and what not, and hope to see it come off in the next five days.

The kids were there, and one did in fact perform a Hannah Montana song on her little karaoke machine for us. And that's all I'll say about that.

This weekend should be interesting - today I'm having lunch with friends at a fun restaurant called Sputnik with a ton of vegetarian/vegan items on the menu. I've heard about this place for a while now and I'm pumped to try it.

Tonight should be low key as I'm getting up early to go to Breckenridge and go snowboarding, after which I will meet up with a ton of girls for a bachelorette party up there. The party is actually starting tonight, but one of my close friends and I are sort of fringe friends with this group of girls, and while we were invited, we thought the whole weekend might be a little much, so we decided to go hit the mountain tomorrow and then go for tomorrow night only. Should be interesting because the bride's mom and mother-in-law-to-be will be there.

I've been told this won't be an issue and the party will be in full swing and the booze will be flowing, but I'm hoping it means things tu!rn out to be a little more low-key than some bachelorette parties I've attended (mine included). That means I'll be able to monitor my alcohol intake and not go overboard with that or with food. Because lord knows if I get drunk, I'm liable to eat anything and everything.

Anyway, I'm off to pick up my friend for lunch and then I'll hit the gym afterward. Have a great weekend if I don't "see" you!

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Brownie Hell

Weigh in yesterday - I gained .2. Boring. I am bored with writing the same shit about gaining a .2 here and losing .6 there. This week was not in the right direction and last night I kind of let it all go to hell because I was just frustrated but I'm trying to pull it back together today.

Yesterday started out great - I did a bunch of errands, then met with the trainer in the afternoon and was subjected to another brutal workout. I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but most Wednesday nights I get together with a group of girlfriends to have dinner, catch up, drink wine, and usually watch some bad reality TV. Last night it was my turn to host, so I decided to attempt some cooking.

I started out making the fudgy mint brownies that are on the cover of this month's Cooking Light (I looked but I don't think they've posted it online). It was kind of a comedy of errors because I ran out of chocolate syrup and had to run to the store mid-mix, then when I was making the mint glaze, I accidentally dumped about half a bottle of green food coloring when I was only supposed to use 2 drops. Oopsie. The brownies turned out to be a sickening green color, but they tasted really great. Too great.

I also made a really yummy Sun-Dried Tomato Tortellini Soup and a nice salad, which was a nice healthy meal for the most part. But when the wine started flowing and I started getting compliments on the brownies, I suddenly couldn't stop eating them. As a result, I kind of having an icky wine/sugar hangover today and I'm just feeling kind of blah.

The bad news is, tonight we're having dinner with my husband's boss, and we've been asked to bring - you got it - a dessert. I think I'm going to go to Whole Foods and pick out something I don't really like so that I'll avoid eating it. I thought about bringing the leftover brownies, but unfortunately we don't have enough for the couple and their kids.

As an aside - my husband has worked for this man for years and he and his wife (about 20 years older than we are) have been asking us over for dinner for a while now. We've finally accepted, and found out their 3 kids will be there too. They range from like 9-15. Is that weird? I don't know, I feel like it's kind of weird.

Anyway, I'm trying to get back on the positive tip this morning, so I'm going to head out for a long walk with the dog, shower, and then get my day moving, before the big dinner. I'll report on it tomorrow. :) Hope everyone has a good one!

Monday, February 25, 2008

Happy Medium

Monday. The weekend was good for the most part, lots of fun with friends and family and enjoyed watching the Oscars last night. Too much booze was involved as usual, but I'm hanging in there. My little sister, the one who just turned 16, met my other sister (26) and I for lunch in Cherry Creek yesterday, and then afterward we hit Target to check out the swimsuit selection because both sister's are going to Mexico (at different times). Well we didn't end up with any swimsuits, but we did end up with cupcakes. How does that happen?!?

Anyway, we went back to my house and made them, had a great time doing it too, and then I promptly sent all but four home with the little sis, who was going to hand them out to her friends and what not. Other sister and I split one, and then the hubby ate the rest. Cupcake crisis averted, and a good time was had by all.

This morning I got up and took the dogger for a walk, hit the gym for some weights, and now I'm laundering/cleaning/computering. Last night in bed I started thinking about what I'm doing with this weight loss thing though and I'm having some serious internal struggles.

The weight is sort of coming off, I mean very very slowly, so in a way I'm okay where I am. I'm enjoying working out as much as I am, and I think I'm making fairly good food choices, while still living my life the way I want to live it. But....


It's not coming off the way I want it too. As fast as I want it to. I mean we're almost to March and I've only lost 6.8 lbs this year. And every week when I weigh in, I keep thinking, I should be doing better. I have no excuses not to be doing better. I should go hardcore. I should only eat protein and veggies. I should workout 2 hours every day. I should. I should I should I should.

It's the constant argument I have with myself. Do I want to live my life and enjoy it - meaning eat right/lose weight but not be so strict with myself that I can't enjoy a glass of wine or three/Cadbury egg/club sandwich and fries occasionally if I want to. Or do I want to be really strict for a couple of months - a year even - lose this weight, and then enjoy my life after that?

Writing it, and reading it - it sounds stupid. Of course I can't put off enjoying my life while I lose weight. Life happens while you're losing weight. Isn't that one of the old WW slogans or something? But am I enjoying my life a little too much right now? And isn't this euphemism of "enjoying my life" how I got fat in the first place?

I don't know. I don't really have any answers for that right now. I guess I'm just trying to find a happy medium. A place where I can lose this weight, but also have fun with my friends and enjoy being in my 20's and having an awesome husband and family and friends and everything else I'm so lucky to have.

One day - even one meal at a time is the best I can do right now. So today for lunch I had some yummy chicken rollups and an apple. No processed crap anywhere in site. And tonight I'm meeting friends for dinner, and I hope to make a good choice, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. And then I'll have tomorrow. And the next day and the next day. And hopefully, eventually, I'll figure this out.

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Good morning. Okay well it's really almost noon but I am just kind of getting up and around. Sipping some coffee, waiting on my sister to come get me so we can head to the gym. I'm going to hit the treadmill even though it's a fairly nice day here because my sister is motivated to go to the gym and I'm all for supporting to her when she is feeling in the groove.

Yesterday I did weights in the morning, then I met my mom for lunch. I tried to make good choices but a few fries sneaked in there for sure. Then of course some friends of ours got engaged last night, so we all went to this bar on the 27th floor of a hotel overlooking downtown Denver to celebrate. It was fun - I took it slowly and on snacked on some pita and hummus, and had a few glasses of wine and one beer. Not 100% perfect and pure, but dammit I'm out having fun with my friends and I'm not going to let my diet control my life.



Tonight is another story however, we've been invited to a 30th birthday celebration at a Mexican restaurant, and I honestly am a little worried about that. I love love love mexican food and I always have a really hard time around it. I've done a great job making healthy versions of the things I love (burritos, nachos, etc.) at home, but when I'm out it's definitely hard to make good choices. Unfortunately the place we're going doesn't have a menu online, but I'll figure it out.

The rest of this weekend is going to be filled with lots of relaxing with the boy and the dog and maybe seeing a movie or something equally chill tomorrow. Hope you all have a great one!

P.S. Here are my new glasses!

Thursday, February 21, 2008


Today is a weird day. I am so spacey for some reason. I think it actually all started yesterday at the gym. I had lunch with my girls from my old job (went well actually, there was minimal gossip, etc. and it was soooo good to see them). Anyway, then I went to the gym to meet my trainer, and he seriously kicked my butt.

We started in the stairwell, where I carried two 20 lb dumbells up and down four flights of stairs, interspersed with some pushups. It was hardcore, and it only got worse from there. I was doing fine and actually enjoying my butt kicking until about 5 minutes left in the hour, when I was doing some tricep dips and all of the sudden I got completely nauseated and had to stop immediately. Trainer was worried and wondering if I was going to puke/pass out. I had bonked, and bonked hard.

Luckily the workout was almost over, so he got me some gatorade (third ingredient, high fructose corn syrup btw, WTF?) and had me just chill and stretch out. After I had gotten my blood sugar in check with about half of the gatorade, I showered and went home, but I still felt just icky. I had a turkey sandwich for dinner and pretty much just sat around the rest of the night, feeling fine for the most part, but sort of weird. It made me realize how important simple carbohydrates are when you're working your body that hard.

This morning I was planning on doing another hardcore workout, but I just could never seem to get up my energy, so I ended up doing just a run/walk type thing for about 45 minutes. It was fine, and I came home, showered and made some lunch before heading to the mall to get some new glasses.

I only really wear glasses for reading/computer/watching movies, etc. and I seem to have lost mine the day of the lay off. I think I must have just misplaced them during the frenzy of it all, but I've called everywhere and after about a zillion headaches I decided it's probably time to just go ahead and get a new pair.

They said it would only take about a half hour, so I headed to the new Nordstrom to get some coverup, and ended up getting my whole face done. I was the canvas. The girl was the artist. It was hilarious. I normally don't wear that much makeup, but I do like a little, so I figured what the hell. She ended up putting some fun, but fairly subtle, purple eyeshadow on me. I took a pic but the lighting is pretty bad in here right now.

Anyway, maybe you can get the idea? It's so fun, I kind of want to go out to dinner and bat my eyes at my husband, but I guess we'll just make frozen dinners or something and sit on the couch like old people.

My glasses didn't end up being ready on time and I had to run, but I'll show you guys a pic when I get those too. Tomorrow is another weights day, hopefully I'll be back to full strength by then.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Weigh In

Down .6 this morning. Wow. Slow slow slow. My fault because I had a pretty rough weekend with eating and stuff. I'm sure my only saving grace was the workouts I've been doing, and luckily I have the time to do it since I'm jobless right now. Since I bought a ten pack with the trainer at the gym before I got laid off I still have about 5 sessions left with him, and he's been giving me some ideas for increasing my workout time while I have the time.

Today I'm going to lunch with two of the women who got laid off with me, so that should be interesting. I'm looking forward to it because I miss spending time with them (you know how you get to know your coworkers better than you know your own family? yeah, that was them) but I'm also kind of dreading the bitch session/speculation/shit talking that will undoubtedly happen. I'ts weird how we all responded so differently to the lay off.

I did the sad/hurt thing, but now I feel like I'm making the best of it and just trying to enjoy not having a full time job (of course while simultaneously not freaking out about money).

One woman did the seriously pissed off thing, yelling and screaming and just going off. The other one I'm having lunch with did the denial thing. It's like she just didn't believe it was really happening.

It's funny, you'd think someone died or something by the way we all responded.

Hurt. Anger. Denial.

But I guess in a way, losing your job is kind of like a death. I don't mean to say it hurts as much as losing someone you love, but it's stressful and scary and just all around lame. I think I've finally moved on though and I'm trying to embrace what I have now. I don't know what the future holds, but I know I'll be okay. And I'm looking forward to having lunch with these two to make sure they are okay too. In a way, I almost feel responsible for helping them along with their searches, even though I had nothing to do with them losing their jobs.

The hard part is, we're having lunch at Gordon Biersch. And when I start talking about emotional things like this, I tend to want to just stuff my face. I plan to hit the gym after lunch again like I did last week when I had a lunch meeting, and I think that will really help keep me in check. Hopefully I'll find a decent salad on the menu and then I'll be good to go.

On that note, it's time to walk the dog, check on some job stuff, and get ready to go. Have a wonderful day!

Tuesday, February 19, 2008


Thank goodness the weekend is over! I of course would never be saying that if I had to get up and go to work this morning, but alas, I did not. Instead I was sort of glad to see my husband get out of the house and give me a chance to get some things sorted and of course get my food in order.

Starting with Valentine's Day last Thursday I had a few crappy eating days. Thursday night I actually made a beautiful healthy meal - lobster tails, roasted new potatoes and broccoli with strawberries dipped in chocolate. It was healthy, but a LOT of food and I definitely overate. Then the long weekend hit and I didn't do great any day, but I guess I didn't blow it too badly either. I have to say I don't think I'll be seeing a loss tomorrow though. Ahh, this is what I get I guess.

I just went for an awesome run though - it's a beautiful day here and I couldn't resist getting outside for an hour or so. This afternoon I'm going to help a friend with 5 month old twins go swimsuit shopping (yikes - are we already doing that?). I don't think I'll venture into a swimsuit yet, just help her hold the babies and what not while she shops, but you never know. Honestly I'm in an okay place with body acceptance right now though and I don't know if it's a good idea for me to try anything on in that glaring florescent light.

Off to shower, then make some lunch. Have a great day!

Thursday, February 14, 2008

February 14

Oh Valentine's Day. Another day when those who fight the fat are faced with loads of sugary snacks, cookies and cupcakes, and of course the little heart shaped box of chocolates. My grandpa still sends me one every year, complete with a Charlie Brown V-Day card. I love him for it. It makes me smile and I look forward to it every February. I was in the middle of splitting open one of those chocolates to see what was inside when my husband proposed. :)

Anyway, this year I'm doing my best to manage. Last night I got a package from my stepmom with some sugar cookies inside. I was home alone missing my husband and I ate two. But I counted them and then slowly stepped away from the kitchen. And it was fine. Especially considering my workout yesterday.

I didn't make it to the pool after my trainer meeting but I did get a half hour on the treadmill, so I feel pretty good about my workout. 90 minutes of sweating (and an eyebrow wax at the gym spa to boot) and I was feeling great yesterday afternoon. I also stuck to my plan at P.F. Changs, so all in all it was a good day.

This morning the boy is finally home, and I found some Fiber One apple cinnamon muffin mix at the store, so I'm making those for our special Valentine's Day breakfast. I don't even care about Valentine's Day but it's still an excuse to do something different. Then it's off to lunch with my mom and sister, hopefully a treadmill session this afternoon and then I'm going to attempt to cook a nice dinner. Still haven't decided exactly what, but hopefully I can whip out some awesome cooking skills. *smirk*

Have a happy Valentine's Day and don't let the sugar get you down!

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Weigh In

Well it isn't as much as I was hoping for but I had a 1 lb loss this morning, taking off the .4 I gained last week and another .6 from the week before. Wow this is a slow process right now. I think the sickness really put a damper on the weight loss. I wasn't really eating any different than I do when I'm healthy, but I definitely missed at least four workouts. It just makes me realize how important my workouts are to my continued progress.

The good news is, I hit the gym on Monday for a hardcore strength workout and I am super sore since then. I've always sort of avoided working my calves because they seem to be pretty muscular without any direct work, but my trainer has me doing a lot of calf raises now and they are killing me! Yesterday I took the dog on a 2 mile walk (a lot for him since he's so little) and then I did a 3 mile run, so I luckily I was feeling pretty good about myself when I ran into my husband's ex girlfriend!

This isn't just any ex-girlfriend, this is THE ex-girlfriend. The one he was with for like 3 years. The one he thought he was going to marry. All that was a long time ago (they started dating in high school, we started dating in college after he had gone through a couple of rebound girls) but still, it was sort of nerve-wrecking to see her. I said hello and chatted with her briefly about what she was up to, etc. but it was just so weird. Nothing like one of your mate's old flames to bring out the old comparisons.

I truly did feel fine about the encounter, no jealousy, no worries, nothing, just a nice chat, but it left me thinking. How would I have felt if I hadn't worked out before I ran into her? If I hadn't showered, done my hair and donned a cute outfit for a meeting with a job prospect. It's amazing how much better I feel about myself when I know I've done everything I can to make my body be the best it can be. It wasn't just about how I looked, it was about how I felt. I felt good.

On that note, I'm off to do another long walk with the dog, then I have a lunch meeting for another potential job at P.F. Chang's. I've decided I'm going to order the Ma Po Tofu and hopefully only eat about half, with brown rice. I know I'll be motivated to stay on plan because I have a meeting with my trainer at 2, and I don't want to be all sluggish and gross for our workout. I may actually go swimming after we meet too depending on how hard the workout is and what I'm up to.

Tonight I'm going to try to plan a healthy but nice Valentine's Day dinner to cook tomorrow for my husband, who gets back from traveling tonight. Yay! Have a great day everyone!

Monday, February 11, 2008


So I jumped gung ho into blogging again (well for me at least) and then I disappeared again. WTF, you ask? Well, bad times. Bad times.

Two Friday's ago I got laid off. As in, sort of fired. Well not really fired, as all my friends and family keep telling me, but laid off. The entire marketing team got the ax, and it feels like getting fired, but really it's just getting laid off due to lack of money and what not. I know it's not personal, and I know it's just business, but still it was sort of an ego blow. That's what you get when you work for a startup I guess.

I've always been that Type A, highly competitive type. And honestly, losing my job has made me feel pretty effing inadequate.

So of course the night it happened I went out and got utterly toasted, starting with some martinis and then beer and then who knows what after that. That set off a weekend of eating a load of crapola, culminating with a cold that hit me last Sunday morning like a ton of bricks. Put all of this together and I have been fairly incapacitated for the past week or so.

I was able to get my eating back on track and miraculously only gained .4 last week, after a stellar loss of 2.8 the week before that I never reported here, so I'm okay with that. The cold has been brutal, so I haven't been able to work out as I planned, but I got back on track with that today as well. The cough remains and my chest isn't completely cleared up, but I'm doing much better.

The loss of the job has sort of put me in an introspective mood - trying to figure out what I want to do with myself and how I'm going to sort out my future. Of course the loss of my salary is going to hurt, but luckily we can survive on my husband's for the time being, although it won't be too much fun.

So while I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to do, I'm taking this time to really focus on myself and my health. I've been grocery shopping on a budget and cooking every meal at home, and I'm enjoying getting the extra sleep and spending time with the dogger. This week I'm going to spend a good chunk of time at the gym, hang out with some of my stay-at-home mom friends that I don't get to see very often, and read Michael P0llan's new book. Oh yeah, and try to remain positive. And cook. :)

So losing my job wasn't exactly what I was planning on for 2008, but maybe I can make the best of it.