Tuesday, November 13, 2007


"You're pretty good at ping pong for a girl."

LOL - that's what I heard at work today. And no, sadly, it was not in reference to me. It was a coworker.

So I haven't really talked about my new job that much here except to say that I'm working a lot, but the good news is, it's at a little start-up type company and we are growing really fast, so we just moved into a new office.

Part of the move included acquiring a ping pong table, meaning there is a ton of competition and game play happening after work and during lunch breaks and what not. And of course, the boys (ahem, men) are super competitive.

I'm definitely into it too though, I'm not going to lie. The sad thing is I'm not that good, and I'm trying really hard not to feel that "last kid picked for the team" type of feeling, but sometimes I still feel inadequate because I'm just not a ping pong pro. I sort of secretly want to stay late one day and practice so I can get better, but of course that takes a partner to play with so then I'd have to tell somebody and we can't have that.

There are only four females in my office right now, and I'm probably the third best. Not that I'm ranking us or anything though of course. Heh.

Anyway, no matter how good or bad I am, it's fun to have something to get me out of my chair and get rid of that sedentary feeling I get after staring at my computer for hours upon end. But it is on. It is so on. I'm off to do some reading about strategy now. ;)

Monday, November 12, 2007


So this weekend - blah. I had a shower for one of my good friend's at my house on Saturday and it involved lots of wine, too many snacks and some pizza. Then yesterday, for no apparent reason, I just ate crap all day. Bleh.

This morning I pulled it together and went to the gym and I've had a great day so far. I even made a pretty yummy dinner. I've made this a couple of times - you can really do any kind of pasta you have around the house and any cheese too, but today I used fettuccine and asiago cheese.

Chop up about 8 cups of fresh spinach (this is a lot, but you get your veggies in this way!)
Add 1 can of rinsed white beans, a couple of tablespoons olive oil, some asiago cheese, fresh pressed garlic, and the fettuccine. Mix together, top with a little extra Parmesan and you have yourself a lovely, healthy meal.

Thursday, November 08, 2007

So I think I just needed to complain a little last night, and I'm glad I got it out, because I think I'm over it. I feel much better today. I had a good eating day today - avoided ice cream and two potentially negative food situations.

I also made it to the gym tonight, just a short interval workout on the treadmill, but it is truly amazing how getting your heart rate up for even just a little bit improves your mood.

So I'm doing some work with some high school students right now and today we met a few of them to discuss what we're doing. For a half an hour I sat and talked to a high school senior, an incredibly intelligent girl who is definitely going places.

During the half hour we talked, she consumed the following:

2 large slices of cheese pizza
One peach smoothie
Two squares of chocolate.

I assume this was approximately 1000 - 1100 calories by the looks of it all.

And this girl was a twig! Now she also plays tennis and is going through some serious growth and probably has the metabolism of a hummingbird. But wow. It made me realize just what a screwed up relationship I have with food. If I sat and ate what she just ate, I would have flogged myself and felt guilty for the entire rest of the day. I'm trying to let go of that type of behavior, but it isn't always easy.

I hope so much for that girl that she can maintain a normal relationship with food. That she doesn't gain weight, and then lose it and then do it again and again and again. That no asshole calls her fat when she's really not. That she loves and is loved, no matter what her body size.

I truly hope that for her, and for me too, and all of you guys too.

Ta ta - I'm off to watch some skinny people act like doctors. :)

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Lonely Wednesday

Lonely right now. Husband is out of town and the days at work are long. I race home to spend some time with my poor little dog (who is also lonely I think) but then when I get here I wonder why I was in such a hurry. Because it's just me. Just me and a frozen dinner. And my little dog.

Gym time is basically non existent because I can't bear the idea of leaving the little guy by himself for one more minute. He even went to daycare today, but they close at 7 so I had to head back to Denver right after work instead of hitting the gym. Blah blah excuses but it really is hard to find the time, and motivation, when work is so crazy and the commute sucks so bad and I have another little life (even if it is just a dog) relying on me.

I am doing okay - I lost 1.4 last week and I think I should go down another pound or so this week too - but I just don't feel excited about it. I don't feel like woo hoo I'm kicking ass and I have my weight loss mojo and I'm totally focused and rah rah rah woo hoo carrots. I don't feel it.

I think I'm just sick of doing this. I'm sick of losing the same 15 lbs. And then gaining it. And then having to lose it again.

I'm sick of thinking about it and worrying about it and having it be such a huge part of my identity.

I want it just to be easy to not have to think about it and for the weight to just come off and finally just stay off once and for all.

But I know that's not going to happen. I know I'll always have to think about it. Always. As in - forever always. So right now, I'm thinking about it, but not too much. I'm almost on autopilot. And yes, for this week, and maybe next week, I'm doing okay and the numbers are moving in the right direction. Hopefully I can keep that happening, but I need to find that groove.

I need to find the mojo kick ass woo hoo carrots groove. I know I'll get it back at some point. But if I can keep faking it, and keep losing a pound a week while I'm at it, I think that's okay with me too.

Thursday, November 01, 2007

November is Here

Hello! Hope you all had a fantastic Halloween. Mine was okay - my husband is out of town so I hung with some friends and handed out candy, but it just didn't feel the same without him around.

I didn't go to WW this week, but I may try to scoot over there tomorrow during work. I'm sure it will be a maintain/gain, but I am just doing the best I can right now so I'm okay with that.

This week I've been listening to the book Skinny Bitch on CD during my commute (which is a horrid 45 minutes each way on a good day) and I thought I'd give you all a little review here.

I didn't realize it when I bought it, but this book is predominately about becoming vegetarian/vegan. According to the sassy narrator, the only way to become a so-called "Skinny Bitch" is to completely abolish all animal meat and products from your diet.

It's interesting really, and for a couple of days I was seriously considering going vegan for a little while to see what happened. I know this subject could potentially be very controversial, and I don't want to get into all of that here, but I do like the idea of removing animal products from my diet.

I was vegetarian in high-school and college for a number of years, but added meat back into my diet because I wasn't getting enough protein. To be honest, I was what they call a "7-11 vegetarian." That means I wasn't good about substituting plant foods for animal foods. Instead, I just substituted crap foods for animal foods, and of course I gained weight during that time and I felt like crap too.

I haven't reintroduced red meat at all since that time and I have no plans to. In fact, I'd say I have at least 3-4 vegetarian days per week, as I just don't like eating meat all that much. That's what they call a "flexetarian."

But removing meat from my diet occasionally isn't going to prevent factory farming, and it isn't going to really help cleanse my body of all of the crap antibiotics and other shit that goes into meat and animal products these days.

Becoming a vegan is a huge commitment though. I mean huge. And frankly, selfishly, I just don't know if I can handle that commitment right now. Or ever. I wish I could, but I can readily admit that I can't.

The book did get through to me on a number of levels though, and I have been thinking about cleaning up my diet in terms of reducing animal products, sugar and sugar substitutes. Specifically, I've decided to cut out all sugar substitutes, at least for a little while.

This means no more aspartame. No more Splenda. No more diet soda, no more sugar free energy drinks, no more fake desserts. It's going to be hard because I rely on these things a lot on WW, but I know this will be good for my body. I know I do not need to be putting all that chemical crap in me.

I started on Tuesday, and so far, it hasn't been that bad. I've ordered iced tea at restaurants, no soda, and I haven't really missed it. I may miss it moving forward, but at this point, I feel truly good about my decision to eliminate this shit from my diet.

A couple of days is one thing, but forever is another, so I'll let you know how it goes. In the meantime, I'm enjoying a nice glass of red wine tonight. No aspartame in that right? :)

Anyway, the book was interesting and informative and I may well adopt some of the practices it suggests, but not all of them. It did open my eyes to all of the processed crap and other shit I've been putting into my body, so all in all, I think it was a great thing to be exposed to.

Now I'm off to watch my recorded Biggest Loser and hit the sack early. Bye!