All or Nothing

Okay. I am having a REALLY hard time with my all or nothing personality today and it is making me very nervous going into this weekend, which I want to go very well as my first weekend really back on a weight loss program. It should be fine, the thing is, yesterday wasn't perfect. And up until yesterday, this entire week (okay it was three days, but still) was perfect.

Or I had what I considered to be perfect weight loss days. Kick ass workouts. Lots of sleep. Healthy, nutritious food. Low calories. It's just that when I get on a roll like that, I don't want anything to screw it up. But yesterday I ended up going to the baseball game with my mom and having some sugared nuts for a snack. Probably not the best choice, but still no big deal right? It kind of went downhill from there though.

I cooked a healthy dinner, but I did end up having some of the wine that our dinner guests brought, and I ended up drinking more than I should have. Which led to me saying yes to the ice cream they brought for dessert. I only had a little bit, but still, I consumed more sugar and alcohol calories than I should have, and those are the two things that I have been trying to avoid because they are my downfall. Argh!

I know it's no emergency, and I still only consumed about 1800 calories yesterday, so I don't really think it's going to interfere with my weight loss this week, but I'm just nervous that I'm going to let that little voice, the one in my head telling me I screwed up, so I might as well just screw the whole weekend, win. And I DO NOT want that to happen. So I'm here writing, hoping that getting this all out on "paper" will help.

It's funny, I've been doing this so long, in one way or another, that it's just so easy for me to fall back into my bad habits. This time I'm trying to approach it a little differently and know that even if things aren't perfect and don't go EXACTLY as planned, it's going to be okay. My entire program doesn't have to go in the shitter because I had one off night. And the entire weekend, which could stretch into four days if I let it, doesn't have to be ruined.

I just have to keep telling myself to look at the big picture. Big picture big picture big picture. I can do this.

Seventeen Weeks

Okay I'm not going to give up here. I just can't. But I AM starting a new project - details will follow soon, but I'm keeping it under wraps while I get it up and running. While I've been working on that though, it's made me realize that I do like writing here about my weight and about my fitness. It's GOOD, really good, for me to have this outlet. Because I want to talk about things!

For instance, I know this is way old news, but I really, really miss Jillian's radio show.

And, I'm really excited for the Biggest Loser to come back.

And, this is not really weight loss/fitness related, but what the hell was Heidi thinking with that performance during Miss Universe. Child please.

So let's see, what else? I weighed 176.6 this morning. Shocker. I have pretty much weighed between 175-180 for the entirety of 2009. Looking back at my records, I was at 171 for a week in January, probably when I was hitting South Beach Phase 1 pretty hard, but that obviously didn't last. Clearly my body is happy at this weight. I believe it's called a set point, right? It's a place where I'm just happy to settle.

Well I think I don't want to settle here any more. I'd really like to just push through and lose this last 15 lbs. You know it's funny, for so long, I think forever really, I've had this goal weight of 140. I think I got it from WW weight range charts or something way back when. But honestly, I don't think that's realistic for me right now. But 160 definitely is. It's so close. I mean it is so close. But so far away.

I've mentioned before that I have this weird barrier with getting below 170. Every time I'm successful losing weight, that is the point at which something clicks, and I just kind of quit trying. I get comfortable. And I bump up a couple five pounds, and then suddenly I'm back at this set point.

I think it's really time for me to get past that though. I'm going to Mexico in 17 weeks, on Dec. 17, and I really want to be at 160 for that trip. That works out to roughly 1 lb a week if I start today. That should be so do-able right? I'm not trying to rock a bikini. I'm not trying to be a supermodel. I'm just trying to set a goal and stick to it the best way I know how.

So right now, as of today, I am seriously off to the races. I'm going to be cutting way back on my wine and sugar intake. These "discretionary" calories are killing me, especially on weekends! And I think they are contributing to my continual psoriasis/arthritis flare-ups. I'm also going to take Self's advice and shoot for 350 min. of exercise a week. That is a LOT of exercise but I think I can handle it. 60 minutes x 5 days a week is 300. So I just need to up it to six days or try to do an extra ten minutes of cardio each day and I'll be there.

So here I go, I am back, and back with a vengeance! 160's here I come!