Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Gym Time

Made it through day 2. I guess it wasn't that bad. I didn't love it though; I'll say that. I'm definitely experiencing sugar withdrawal. Which means headaches and just overall feeling crappy. I almost didn't go to the gym this afternoon, but I forced myself and I'm glad I went.

Wow, it was crowded. I went yesterday morning and it wasn't that crowded, so I guess I thought maybe the wave of new joiners didn't happen for some reason. Turns out lots of people were off for a federal holiday for Ford's funeral, so maybe that's why.

Tonight though, I was more self-conscious at the gym than I have been in the year since I joined. I know at least by sight most of the trainers, gym employees and regulars. And I assume most of the regulars know me by sight as well. But for some reason I was so aware of who was looking at me. Looking at the fat girl doing bicep curls. Wondering how long she'll last. Smirking at how out of shape she is.

I lost over 20 lbs in 2006 and gained a ton of fitness, yet now I'm paranoid about what people think when they see me at the gym? I'm pretty sure most of those people don't giving a flying fark what I'm doing - they're focused on their own routines. But for some reason, I think they're all judging me?

I'll get back into my routine and pretty soon I won't even notice the other people at the gym. For right now, going back when I've been off track for a few weeks, it just feels weird. I wonder if I'll ever get rid of this self-doubt that I have? I hope so.

6 comments:

Jill said...

I think what you're doing is amazing :) One day at a time, and remember that a tootsie roll once in a while won't kill you... just count the points... unless you've gone on some crazy I will not eat any junk diet... and if you did, i'm impressed. I don't have the willpower to stick with no candy... I am making meals in advance so i come home from work and just heat food up. Also, that means I can count my dinner points and plan my day in the morning. So far, so good. 3 days on plan! I have faith in you!

Jen said...

Hang in there, Jeni! I just made it through my second day, as well. And it is no easy feat. Frankly, given all of the sugar that's still probably in our systems, I think it's amazing that we've survived a whole 48 hours! :-) Also, try not to think about the yahoos at the gym. I know how hard that is because I have the same reservations and concerns. In fact, part of the reason I'm so glad that I have my Precor EFX machine at home now is that I can do my cardio in the privacy of my own home. 20 pounds ago it wouldn't have bothered me to go to the gym, but the truth is, I'm afraid the "regulars" would be thinking "Oh my gosh! Look how much weight she's gained!" Pathetic, I know...but it's there. What we both have to remember is that at least we are at the gym! And that, alone, sets us apart from so many others. Keep up the good work!

LivingMinimal said...

Youll lose the self-doubt and the weight! They say you have to do something seven times consecutively before it becomes habit, then you'll feel great about doing it!

nancy said...

Good for you! I am yearning to back to the gym. I hurt my foot in December and I have to wear a brace for one more week before the doctor checks it :o(
I know the leering feeling. I get it too. Hopefully that feeling will go away soon. Keep at it, and congrats on getting back on the wagon!
Nancy

Alea said...

Good on ya for going back to the gym! Getting started is always the hardest, and I'm sure you'll soon get back into the swing of things and you won't feel 'observed' anymore. Keep it up!

Kim said...

I'm really proud of you getting back into the gym! Just keep on doing it - you are going to be back in the groove in no time!! :)