Ack! Okay so I've had my breakdown and I've decided that all the planning in the world isn't going to make this better. Okay it might make it better, but it's not going to fix it, and it's not going to make me happy. So I'm just taking it one day at a time and I'm going to do whatever I can do. I'm strangely missing boot camp right now. I think I liked having that hardcore workout. It made me feel useful or something.
I've been trying to cook more often with my husband, and even if it isn't completely 100% healthy and fabulous, at least I'm cooking and getting away from eating out. I figure if I can hone my cooking skills at least a little, eventually I'll be able to make some more sophisticated recipes that are a tad bit healthier. Tonight for instance, we had angel hair pasta with marinara. So white flour pasta, not so great. But, in the long run, probably a lot better than the bean burrito at the shady Mexican joint down the block that I was craving.
I saw myself in a picture this weekend. It was awful. I mean, slightly devestating. But at this point, it's kind of sad that I've basically resigned myself to knowing that I look like a big lard ass in pictures. I mean, there was once a point in time that I would have stolen my friend's digital camera and endeavored to delete anything even remotely unflattering. But now, I kind of just don't give crap. I know I'm going to look fat, and I do, and I'm not even trying to do anything about it. Kind of sounds like a microcosm of my entire life right now, doesn't it?
Eh. Also, my lips are itching like crazy now, and I'm hoping they're just chapped, but I'm terrified the impetigo I had a couple of months ago is coming back. I will not be a happy camper if that happens again.