Monday, August 31, 2009

Monday Musings

Oh Monday. It feels kind of gloomy today but I am determined to just get my butt moving and work on some projects and break out of any funky feelings I might be feeling. This weekend was good, hard but good. I stayed within my calorie limits on Friday after my minor freak out about Thursday, but then Saturday ended up with a little emotional eating (read: grilled cheese at dinner) and went high again. Yesterday was great though, and I'm taking some time to plan some menus for the week today so I am hopeful that when I weigh on Wednesday I'll at least be down a little.

You know what sucks though? How one day can screw up an entire week of careful planning, measuring, counting, working? One freaking day. That's all it takes to ruin a lot of really hard work. I don't think that's going to happen to me this week, but honestly it is no wonder that people have a hard time losing weight. Changing habits is HARD and all takes is a little slip up to kill what might have been a two pound weight loss for the week. Or three or four. I guess that's why it's an ongoing process and so many people (myself included of course) struggle for years and years with their weight.

One thing I did do this weekend was declare my intentions to two people in my life that have never had weight problems and often contribute to my losing focus. These are two of my really good girlfriends, both around size 2-4. These women are great, they would never purposefully try to sabotage me or anything like that, but they've also never had to think about their weight. They both work out and eat consciously, it's just not really an issue for them the way it is for me. The main issue is our tendency to get together and make one glass of wine turn into three or four, which then totally throws me off course. It's not a problem for them, they can totally handle it. But it is for me.

So yesterday at the mall, all crammed in to one dressing room together, I acknowledged that issue by telling them I am trying to lose 15 lbs by my Mexico trip in December. I was a little nervous about it because I've made tons of declarations like this in the past that haven't really panned out, but they were both really supportive and nice about it, which was great. After we finished shopping, we went to grab lunch, where they both had a glass of wine. One got a grilled cheese and ham with a side of fries, and one got a chicken sandwich with a side of fries. I got a salad and stuck to water. At first I was really worried about it, but I think I was just wrapped up in my own shit because neither one of them mentioned my lack of wine or how their food was "worse" than mine or any of that crap. We still sat and chatted and had a great time, and the food just wasn't an issue.

I was thinking about it, and I really want to try to make every meal like that. I'm sick of worrying about what I'm going to order and what other people will think and whether or not they'll secretly be mocking me inside of their heads. These people are my friends, so why would they do it? They wouldn't, and if they did, that means they're assholes anyway. If I'm being honest, nobody really cares what I choose to eat, and if they do take issue with it, they're probably just projecting they're own issues on to me.

I know I'll still encounter food and alcohol pushers, that is just a part of life. But I really need to learn to be confident with my choices and no that in the end, they are going to take me the direction I want to go.


skinny me! said...

I think its great that you talked to your friends about your goals. There is nothing wrong with eating healthy and they should be proud of you for doing so. I think thin people just don't think about food the same way we do, so they probably didn't even notice what you ate. Don't worry about it. It's awesome that you made such a great choice. 15 pounds is more than do-able. Good luck!

Alea said...

Sometimes I think you're my twin or something... :) A lot of times, we seem to be struggling with the same things and so your posts always resonate with me. This all or nothing attitude you wrote about in your last post? Check. Worrying what others might think if I order this or that? Check. Ruining a good week by screwing up on the last day? Check.

But as you said: September is going to be great! Let's make this month a good one! :)

Jess said...

When I first started Weight Watchers I worried about that too. At the time I was at a job with two close guy friends who both ate like pigs and remained fit, and they definitely made a few teasing comments when it started, but when they realized I was serious about it the comments stopped and people got used to it. I know there are some food pushers in the world but my experience has been that most people don't expect you to eat just like they do.