Monday, April 09, 2007


Breakdown time again! Kids, what is wrong with me? I keep having mental meltdowns about my lack of progress, my lack of dedication, my lack of commitment. My body image. I hate myself, I love myself. It's all a big cluster and it's driving me crazy. And poor thing, I know it's driving my husband crazy. He is an amazing man and I know he just wants to see me happy, and seeing me the way I am is so hard for him. I know I just need to pull my life together and just deal with it, but for some reason it's not really working.

Today I tried to really focus and get back to it. Of course it was difficult because I didn't go to the grocery store this weekend so I didn't really have a plan. My own fault of course, but it just didn't happen. I did have some yogurt left so I had that for breakfast, then I had a work lunch so I got the soup and a side salad. Popcorn at work for a snack and then tonight after bootcamp, a PB&J on wheat and a mango. Not great, but much better than the weekend I had.

I should get off my ass right now and go to the grocery store so I have a plan for tomorrow, but I'm exhausted from boot camp and for some reason my ears are hurting (lots of pressure) so I think I'm just going to go to bed really early and then go to the store on my lunch break tomorrow. I have cereal for breakfast so I should be good to go if I can just make it out of the office for an hour or so to get myself in order.

Thank god I've been doing these boot camps, because who knows what my body would look like right now if I hadn't been doing them. I'm still squeezing into my size 14 jeans that I bought 12 pounds ago, and I know the only reason I'm able to do that is the muscle I've developed working out.

It's time to get the excess layers of fat off though, and I know the only way to do that is to really get my food back in order. So as of today, I'm going back to basics. I'm not going to be ridiculously hard on myself, I'm just going to do what I know works. Lots of fruits and veggies, no fried foods, no chips, limit the sugar. If I can just do that, and do it for a day, and then two days, and then a week, I know I'll be okay.

Summer is coming and I do not want to be whining about the wearing of the tank tops.

I'll be posting my weigh-ins here again starting first thing tomorrow. I may even do the daily weigh-in here, since I do it at home anyway. I know some people don't like that, but it helps keep me accountable. Anyway, starting tomorrow, it'll be up top. Oh dear god.


Kim said...

Okay Jeni - sounds like you are ready. You have a plan and that is such a huge part of this. I have been feeling a lot of the same things and am ready to kick this thing into drive with you!! :)

Jen said...

Good luck with your plan, Jeni. And remember...above be kind to yourself!

jodi said...

i can honestly say that each time i restart my weightloss plan, it gets harder and harder... you're not the only one that goes thru the whole love/hate relationship - as much as i blog about it, i sometimes don't always take my own advice...

it does sound like you're ready to refocus and that's a big step - we can talk about it, and read about but actually doing it - takes guts... you will do it though, i know it! :o)