186 as of this morning. Ouch. That hurts. Hopefully next week will be better.
Oh well, at least it's out there. And as of yesterday, I'm on track. I made it to the grocery store during lunch and I'm all prepped for the week.
So today I got a little paranoid that someone heard me say something that maybe wasn't the best thing that's ever come out of my mouth. It wasn't that bad, it really wasn't that a big deal at all. In fact, who cares if he heard me say it. But it wasn't exactly sunshine and lollipops.
The weird thing is, I do care. I always care about what people think of me, even if it doesn't matter one iota what that person thinks. My husband told me a story about how when he was little he and a friend went to buy a lighter to light firecrackers. He was worried the checkout lady might think he smoked.
His friend said "Who cares what that lady thinks?"
He said it's always stuck with him, because he cared. Even though it was probably just some teenage girl at the checkout who really didn't give a crap, he cared what she thought.
That's what my problem is. I care what every person around me thinks. Whether or not they mean anything to me, I am always worried about it.
Does she think I'm fat?
Does she think I'm stupid?
Does he think I'm good at my job?
Does he think I whine too much?
Yes I probably whine too much. But that's beside the point.
Really, who gives a crap what all of those people think? Why should I let it bother me? I decided today I'm going to set it free. Because all that worry, worry over nothing really, builds up inside of me and it's just making me toxic. And I can't do it anymore. So I'm going to set all those feelings free.
Tonight at bootcamp all we did was run. Run run run. Eh. I hate running. I know I need to do it and that skinny people run and it's good for me and etc. And actually, I do run on my own and usually I like it. But I like to do more bootcamp type activities, like circuits and drills and kickboxing. Oh well, I got in done, and tomorrow night we have the instructor I like more, so I'm actually looking forward to that.
Tomorrow's another day, and I plan to be on track with food. I have dinner at a friend's house so I'll have to watch the wine consumption, but other than that I should be fine. Onward and upward I guess.