Tuesday, April 10, 2007

The Numbers Are In

186 as of this morning. Ouch. That hurts. Hopefully next week will be better.

Oh well, at least it's out there. And as of yesterday, I'm on track. I made it to the grocery store during lunch and I'm all prepped for the week.

So today I got a little paranoid that someone heard me say something that maybe wasn't the best thing that's ever come out of my mouth. It wasn't that bad, it really wasn't that a big deal at all. In fact, who cares if he heard me say it. But it wasn't exactly sunshine and lollipops.

The weird thing is, I do care. I always care about what people think of me, even if it doesn't matter one iota what that person thinks. My husband told me a story about how when he was little he and a friend went to buy a lighter to light firecrackers. He was worried the checkout lady might think he smoked.

His friend said "Who cares what that lady thinks?"

He said it's always stuck with him, because he cared. Even though it was probably just some teenage girl at the checkout who really didn't give a crap, he cared what she thought.

That's what my problem is. I care what every person around me thinks. Whether or not they mean anything to me, I am always worried about it.

Does she think I'm fat?
Does she think I'm stupid?
Does he think I'm good at my job?
Does he think I whine too much?

Yes I probably whine too much. But that's beside the point.

Really, who gives a crap what all of those people think? Why should I let it bother me? I decided today I'm going to set it free. Because all that worry, worry over nothing really, builds up inside of me and it's just making me toxic. And I can't do it anymore. So I'm going to set all those feelings free.

Tonight at bootcamp all we did was run. Run run run. Eh. I hate running. I know I need to do it and that skinny people run and it's good for me and etc. And actually, I do run on my own and usually I like it. But I like to do more bootcamp type activities, like circuits and drills and kickboxing. Oh well, I got in done, and tomorrow night we have the instructor I like more, so I'm actually looking forward to that.

Tomorrow's another day, and I plan to be on track with food. I have dinner at a friend's house so I'll have to watch the wine consumption, but other than that I should be fine. Onward and upward I guess.


Kim said...

Good for you for facing the number on the scale.
(not that getting fit is all about that number, but I think it does serve a purpose to let you know how you are doing.) ANYWAY - just wanted to let you know that I think that you are doing great with the bootcamp. I'm especially impressed that you still go when you don't want to, or have to do something that you aren't thrilled about, like the running. :) Keep up the great work, the results will follow.

Jen said...

I can so relate to this post, sweetie. As you and I have shared via comments before, the trouble is, we DO care what other people think. I wish I was one of those people who didn't give a damn, but I'm not...and I don't think I ever will be. Maybe it's just time we work to accept ourselves as we are (including the fact that we need that validation from people)? Anyway, kudos for continuing to kick butt in boot camp! I'm thinking of ya babe...

jodi said...

ugh, i hate running too but am going to do a 5K if it kills me... funny how we torture ourselves for fun, right... ha! i think it takes work to not care what others think and its so much easier to say, "i don't care" than actually believing it... congrats on setting it free, i'm sure it will feel awesome... :o)

Chris H said...

It's easy to say you are going to stop caring what people think of you - or what YOU think they are thinking about you... but very hard to do. Once you feel great about yourself, you will stop wondering what people think of you, cos you will feel so fantastic you just won't care!

Zara said...

Well, I think you're awesome!

But the tricky thing is if you believe the good, you set yourself up believe the bad, too. So it's a major transition to base your opinion on your own definitions of success and failure, but it can be done. And I agree that when you do it, it really frees you and gives you more confidence.

Bottom line, like others have said, is that it's human nature to care what other's think. We're social creatures and it keeps us from becoming sociopaths. Just don't let what others think change the way you view yourself because you know you best!

Gee, that was kind of a cheerleader-y comment from me, wasn't it? Must have come from my alter ego. ;)