Sunday, April 15, 2007

Stomach Bug?

So, I decided this weekend that I was going to try core, or at least follow the basic rules of core because I tend to eat a lot of crap when I start counting points. Two points for a banana? Eh, I could spend that on a fake ice cream bar. So I thought it might be nice to actually focus on whole foods and all that shizz for once. I don't really need a plan, I know what to do, but having a few guidelines always helps.

So yesterday started well, I had some cereal and spinach (gotta get those veggies in early) for breakfast and then a Chipotle bowl with work people for lunch - black beans, corn and tomato salsa and a little guac and hot sauce on a bed of lettuce. It was pretty good, and I felt like it was a healthy choice considering those delicious tortillas I usually get at Chipotle. Had an apple for a snack and headed to boot camp for a pretty tough workout, but not anything I haven't done before.

Well, about halfway through my workout I started feeling pretty icky, just sort of nauseous and gross. I've had really tough cardio workouts make me feel this way but yesterday was mostly lifting and I knew I wasn't pushing myself that hard.

I made it through the workout but on the way home really started feeling bad. The boy had gone to the grocery store for me (thank god for that because I just couldn't face it) but when he got home he had some sort of pre-made turkey breast meal that smelled pretty intense. It took one whiff of that and I was in the bathroom booting.

I was basically sick all night and I'm home from work today. I have no idea if its food poisoning or a bug or what but it totally sucks. I think I'm feeling better today and I just had a banana and I seem to be keeping it down, so I hope I'm through the worst of it.

Between this and my skin infection last month, I'm really making use of my sick days, something I never ever do! I'm going to try to take it slow and just eat things that make my stomach feel good for now, but hopefully I'll be back on track with my core plan this week. I have some chicken that I want to sautee and I'm trying a new brown rice recipe as well.

The good news is, hopefully I purged my body of any lingering toxins and general crap that was in there and now I can start fresh, feeding myself with lots of fruits and veggies and good lean proteins and what not. I'll have to miss bootcamp tonight, but I think I'm okay with a rest day today for now.

Last but not least, I know I said I'd be weighing in here on a weekly basis, but I'm not going to today because I know with the loss of fluids I've had my scale weight won't be a true indicator. Next week though.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

The Numbers Are In

186 as of this morning. Ouch. That hurts. Hopefully next week will be better.

Oh well, at least it's out there. And as of yesterday, I'm on track. I made it to the grocery store during lunch and I'm all prepped for the week.

So today I got a little paranoid that someone heard me say something that maybe wasn't the best thing that's ever come out of my mouth. It wasn't that bad, it really wasn't that a big deal at all. In fact, who cares if he heard me say it. But it wasn't exactly sunshine and lollipops.

The weird thing is, I do care. I always care about what people think of me, even if it doesn't matter one iota what that person thinks. My husband told me a story about how when he was little he and a friend went to buy a lighter to light firecrackers. He was worried the checkout lady might think he smoked.

His friend said "Who cares what that lady thinks?"

He said it's always stuck with him, because he cared. Even though it was probably just some teenage girl at the checkout who really didn't give a crap, he cared what she thought.

That's what my problem is. I care what every person around me thinks. Whether or not they mean anything to me, I am always worried about it.

Does she think I'm fat?
Does she think I'm stupid?
Does he think I'm good at my job?
Does he think I whine too much?

Yes I probably whine too much. But that's beside the point.

Really, who gives a crap what all of those people think? Why should I let it bother me? I decided today I'm going to set it free. Because all that worry, worry over nothing really, builds up inside of me and it's just making me toxic. And I can't do it anymore. So I'm going to set all those feelings free.

Tonight at bootcamp all we did was run. Run run run. Eh. I hate running. I know I need to do it and that skinny people run and it's good for me and etc. And actually, I do run on my own and usually I like it. But I like to do more bootcamp type activities, like circuits and drills and kickboxing. Oh well, I got in done, and tomorrow night we have the instructor I like more, so I'm actually looking forward to that.

Tomorrow's another day, and I plan to be on track with food. I have dinner at a friend's house so I'll have to watch the wine consumption, but other than that I should be fine. Onward and upward I guess.

Monday, April 09, 2007


Breakdown time again! Kids, what is wrong with me? I keep having mental meltdowns about my lack of progress, my lack of dedication, my lack of commitment. My body image. I hate myself, I love myself. It's all a big cluster and it's driving me crazy. And poor thing, I know it's driving my husband crazy. He is an amazing man and I know he just wants to see me happy, and seeing me the way I am is so hard for him. I know I just need to pull my life together and just deal with it, but for some reason it's not really working.

Today I tried to really focus and get back to it. Of course it was difficult because I didn't go to the grocery store this weekend so I didn't really have a plan. My own fault of course, but it just didn't happen. I did have some yogurt left so I had that for breakfast, then I had a work lunch so I got the soup and a side salad. Popcorn at work for a snack and then tonight after bootcamp, a PB&J on wheat and a mango. Not great, but much better than the weekend I had.

I should get off my ass right now and go to the grocery store so I have a plan for tomorrow, but I'm exhausted from boot camp and for some reason my ears are hurting (lots of pressure) so I think I'm just going to go to bed really early and then go to the store on my lunch break tomorrow. I have cereal for breakfast so I should be good to go if I can just make it out of the office for an hour or so to get myself in order.

Thank god I've been doing these boot camps, because who knows what my body would look like right now if I hadn't been doing them. I'm still squeezing into my size 14 jeans that I bought 12 pounds ago, and I know the only reason I'm able to do that is the muscle I've developed working out.

It's time to get the excess layers of fat off though, and I know the only way to do that is to really get my food back in order. So as of today, I'm going back to basics. I'm not going to be ridiculously hard on myself, I'm just going to do what I know works. Lots of fruits and veggies, no fried foods, no chips, limit the sugar. If I can just do that, and do it for a day, and then two days, and then a week, I know I'll be okay.

Summer is coming and I do not want to be whining about the wearing of the tank tops.

I'll be posting my weigh-ins here again starting first thing tomorrow. I may even do the daily weigh-in here, since I do it at home anyway. I know some people don't like that, but it helps keep me accountable. Anyway, starting tomorrow, it'll be up top. Oh dear god.

Thursday, April 05, 2007


Hey guys. Bootcamp ruled tonight. We kickboxed. I am so fierce. Then the husband and I went to a new restaurant and I had the salmon. It was fantastic. I feel great.

So I've seen this on a couple of people's blogs and I never really do this so I thought it would be fun. And hey, you can find out a little bit more about me.

1. How do you like your eggs? Usually over easy, and on toast with some ketchup.
2. How do you take your coffee/tea? Coffee every morning, with a little bit of half and half and a packet of splenda.
3. Favorite breakfast food: It varies - oatmeal, wheat toast with peanut butter, or plain fat free yogurt with a little cereal mixed in.
4. Peanut butter - smooth or crunchy? Smooth.
5. What kind of dressing on your salad? Eh, depends on what kind. I love ranch. I love balsamic vinaigrette on spinach.
6. Coke or Pepsi? Diet Pepsi.
7. You’re feeling lazy. What do you make? A bowl of cereal.
8. You’re feeling really lazy. What kind of pizza do you order? Ooh, green pepper, onion, and jalapeno, with extra sauce Delicious.
9. You feel like cooking. What do you make? I feel like cooking?
10. Do any foods bring back good memories? Not really. My dad taught me to mix Frito's and ranch dressing when I was a kid. I loved it. No wonder I'm fat.
11. Do any foods bring back bad memories? Does gin count as a food?
12. Do any foods remind you of someone? My husband LOVES chocolate chip cookies. I love him. The connection is there.
13. Is there a food you refuse to eat? Red meat. Haven't eaten it for years.
15. Is there a food that you hated as a child but now love? Vegetables in general.
16. Is there a food that you loved as a child but now hate? Not that I can think of. Maybe I'm not trying hard enough.
17. Favorite fruit & vegetable: Fruit - right now, plums. They are so good right now! Vegetables, can't be zucchini. I love it.
18. Favorite junk food: Oh wow, this is hard. Ice cream I guess. I love ice cream.
19. Favorite between meal snack: Popcorn. I love my air popper.
20. Do you have any weird food habits? I used to have a cup of spinach every morning with my breakfast, just to get some vegetables in. I'm slacking on that lately. I should do better.
21. You’re on a diet. What food(s) do you fill up on? I'm always on a diet. Oatmeal, popcorn, salads, turkey pitas, fruits and veggies.
22. You’re off your diet. Now what would you like? Oh, just crap in general. Lots of wine and pizza and ice cream. And I'm not going to lie, T-Bell.
23. How spicy do you order Indian/Thai? Fairly spicy I guess. I LOVE peanut tofu from this little restaurant down the street from our house. It's not spicy, but damn its good Thai food.
24. Can I get you a drink? Red wine.
25. Red wine or white? See above.
26. Favorite dessert? Ice cream.
27. The perfect nightcap? See above. :)

Tuesday, April 03, 2007


I'm just going to say it: I want to smack Sanjaya.

Okay now that I got that out (and honestly, I hate that I even care about Amer1can 1dol, but it's on right now, so yeah) I guess I can write about my day.

I sort of sucked it up at boot camp tonight. Just feeling kind of blah I guess. I got a lot of sleep last night, but I felt super tired all day at work today, was running late because of my silly boss, and then when I got there and found out we were running I was just over it. I shuffled along and when we got back and started doing shoulder exercises, I sort of half assed that too.

At least I went I guess.

Do you ever have those workouts where you just aren't feeling it? Maybe it's because all the workouts are catching up to me, or maybe it was just not what I wanted to do, but I definitely had a crappy workout. Maybe tomorrow will be better, but right now I feel like momentum is just not going my way. I'm tempted to just skip it tomorrow and call it a day. I like the instructor tomorrow night better though, and I know I'll feel even shittier if I don't go tomorrow, so I'm going to tough it out.

In other news, somehow today I found myself on the American Dietetic Association's web site today looking at local dietitians. I seriously doubt I need to spend any more money learning about how to lose weight, but the dietitian angle interests me. I started thinking about it, and I think I practically know enough to become a dietitian myself. I mean, right now it's more of a "do as I say, not as I do" thing, but maybe going back to school to do something like that would be just the kick in the pants that I need. Or maybe it would be one more failed attempt.

Who knows?

I do know that while I'm using my masters degree right now, I'm not really IN LOVE! with what I'm doing. What I do love is blogging, and reading your blogs and reading about nutrition and exercise. So maybe there's something to that. Do you love what you do?