Damn Blogger

Ugh! I just finished writing this whole post about goals and planning and how I'm setting goals and trying to plan but nothing is working. And it was deep. I'm telling you it was seriously deep and I just don't know if I can rewrite the whole thing.

Basically it comes down to the fact that I keep talking about all of the things I'm going to do but I'm not doing them. Instead I'm gaining weight. I'm eating mini candy bars. I'm drinking too much wine. And this is all killing me.

I'm not sure if it's something going on with my subconscious, or if it's that I just lack motivation and willpower.

Actually that's a lie. I know it's something more than just the fact that I like chocolate. For some reason I'm terrified to keep going with this whole weight loss thing. I think I'm just scared that once I'm skinny, I won't be happy, and then what am I going to blame everything on? I won't be able to blame it on the fat anymore, and that terrifies me. I need to get things together. I need to quit setting goals and then not sticking to them.

I need to eat right. I need to consider what I want for myself over the long term. Things are hard right now. And I'm not sure how to fix that.