Little Miss Cranky Pants

Should be happier that it's Friday but I definitely woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. Or rather "got up" because I barely slept at all last night. I've been having trouble sleeping for quite some time, and I KNOW the things that cause it and yet I continue to do them anyway. When I don't sleep I miss my workout (this morning) and I just want to eat all day and I'm cranky. I'm also pissed at myself because if we're using the wagon metaphor, I got ran over last night.

I should have known this was going to happen. I was having major PMS issues yesterday, just feeling emotional and tired and pissed off about my job situation and life in general. So of course when my sister wanted to go to happy hour, I said yes. Where I promptly drank three margaritas and ate my body weight in tortilla chips. Have some salt much? And sugar? No wonder I couldn't sleep last night. Ugh. At the end of the day, the happy hour did not make me happier. Must remember that in the future.

I did end up going to the gym this morning, but I did sort of a half-assed weight workout instead of the Body Pump class I had planned. I have a massage scheduled for this afternoon which I'm really looking forward to, so hopefully that will get me out of my funk and help relax me a little. I'm also trying to drink a ton of water to flush that salt out of my body.

Tonight - sushi with the girls, and then tomorrow I'm going to kickboxing in the morning and hanging with the boy all day before he leaves for Denmark for 10 days. I still plan on showing a loss this week - I  just know I am going to have to work really hard this weekend to make that happen.

Beets are Scary

Ahh Monday morning. Once again I am happy for the start of the week to be here. The weekend just seems to throw off my routine too much and while weekends are of course always fun, I am a creature of habit. And I happen to like my habits. Especially when they are good ones. 

This was a good weekend, the engagement party went off without a hitch. I MAY have been slightly over-served, (wink, wink) but that's okay. We had a great time. Actually I think what contributed to my inebriation was the fact that I was trying to be so careful about accounting for a few glasses of wine in terms of my calorie allotment and I didn't end up eating enough. Empty stomach + too much alcohol when you haven't been drinking for a while = bad news. 

I survived though and actually didn't lose my shit on Sunday either. I wanted to go to Dairy Queen, but chose a frozen yogurt instead. And I wanted to get movie theater popcorn, but I made some at home in my popper instead. I think those were good choices. And even though the scale is up this morning, I know it's probably just the salt I ate yesterday and hopefully those lbs will go away after a day of clean eating. Official weigh-in is on Wednesday. 

Today I have an interview, so that should be interesting. Of course it's at 1:00, and it's about 30 minutes away, which means I have to leave an hour before because I am a freak and if I get lost it might be a disaster and I might hyperventilate, and I'd just rather sit in my car for 20 minutes and be early than even have to worry for one second that I might be late. So that means I have to leave at 12, which is right around lunchtime, and isn't it sort of pathetic that I'm worried about how my interview is going to make me re-arrange my eating schedule? Wow. That is sad. I guess I'll just have a snack before I go and then have a proper lunch afterward, because while I don't want my stomach growling, I'd rather not be full of food and lethargic during it anyway. 

Yeah so there's that. I'm hoping it goes well but that's all I'll really say about that until afterward because you never know who's watching. This is the Internets after all. 

Oh question: does anyone know what to do with beets? We got some in our CSA delivery this week and I am at a loss. I want to include them with a meal this week but honestly, I have no idea. They look like they were pulled directly out of the ground. Do I peel them? Then cook them? Or just eat them raw? I guess I'll have to do some research on this one. 

Hopefully It Lives Up to Its Name

I took a pregnancy test today. 

It's so weird how I've been doing all this waffling back and forth about how soon I want to get pregnant and whether or not I'm ready and this and that and then, things started happening and I thought, well maybe I'll just be pregnant and I won't have planned for it and that's how it'll be. 

Let me back up. So since we've been back from Singapore, I've been trying to go back on my food plan (aka not eat everything in sight) but I've been having a really hard time sticking to it. Meaning I think I've gained a couple of pounds. Actually I know it. Then my boobs started getting sore. Really sore. Painfully sore. Then I started getting emotional about some things. And last night, some little thing just clicked in the back of my head and I thought, shit, maybe I'm pregnant. I'm fat and hormonal and pregnant. 

So what did I do? Pretty much the stupidest thing in the world. I got on the Internets. And I started reading. And self-diagnosing. Now I have an IUD or IU whatever they are calling it these days. It's the Mirena and it's supposed to be 99% effective at preventing pregnancy. Wouldn't you know it though, there are lots of ladies on the good old world wide web that have gotten pregnant even with this sucker in place. Lots. And they have stories. Lots and lots of stories. So I started reading the stories and thinking hmmm, maybe I'm one of these stories.

I stayed up way too late, tossed and turned and had visions of babies dancing in my head. I was scared and sort of freaked out but part of me, and I don't think it was that little of a part, was kind of excited. So I got up this morning, went straight to Safeway and purchased the error proof test. 

I didn't even make coffee because I thought, well, if I am pregnant I'm going to have to give up caffeine. Nevermind the massive amounts of alcohol I consumed all weekend. What can I say, I thought I had pregnant brain. Already using it as an excuse. 

Moving on. 

I came home and put some eggs on to boil. I peed. I looked. I wasn't pregnant. 

And it's fine, I'm glad I'm not pregnant because I wasn't planning on that yet and I would have been freaking out about my alcohol consumption and my arthritis medication and a host of other things, so it's good, but part of me, part of me was really sad too. 

So now what? Does that mean that I'm more ready than I thought? Am I really just hormonal and on some kind of period that really isn't a period and that's why I'm bloated and my boobs hurt? I don't know. I am going to think about it and process it all and try to understand what I'm feeling. I think it's important to try to take a step back and observe my reactions and figure out what they mean. I'm certainly not rushing to make an appointment to get the goalie removed. But I'm not so scared anymore. My husband and I will make this decision together and whatever and whenever we decide, it'll be fine.

In the meantime, I need to get my shit together and stop letting things slide on the weekends. I need to cut way back on my alcohol intake. I'm not in college anymore and this is getting ridiculous. Being healthy is important to me and I need to make it a priority. Right now today. 

Catch Up

Hi. I'm still sucking at blogging. I also had a very personal moment and realized there are some people out there, in real life people, reading this, and I'm not sure if I like that. I know I am out there in this public forum doing this on the giant big Internet, but I don't know, it still feels anonymous. And mostly I like that. I went private for a minute, but I'm back now. We'll see how long it lasts. 

Anyway, things are okay. I haven't found a job. I haven't even gotten any call backs, which is insane to me. I don't know if I am just over-confident or what, but I feel like anybody who sees my resume should immediately want to call me. I mean I'm a bad-ass right? Yet, it's crickets. There could be a lot of reasons for this, of course the shitty economy being one, and the fact that I have this giant blank spot on my resume from living in Singapore, but I still feel like I should be getting calls. I need something to help me feel successful, and I feel like my career has always been one of those things. And I don't have that right now. 

It's okay though, I still sort of like being on my own every day and just being able to hit the gym whenever I want. Yesterday, even though it was snowing and single digit temps, I ventured out and hit the treadmill for an amazing workout. Ever since we got back from Singapore, I've had some trouble running because my body is taking FOREVER to adjust to being back at altitude. I've never had this problem before because I've lived here most of my life, so it has been a drag. But yesterday, I felt great. I hopped on the treadmill, started running, and didn't stop for 40 minutes. And I ran the whole time! No walk breaks. It felt amazing. My lungs felt great. My legs felt great. I spent the last 20 walking at an incline, and when I was finished I was so pumped. Runner's high is real. 

My main problem right now is social interaction and the fact that a lot of my social life revolves around drinking. There are so many people I still have to catch up with now that I'm back, and inevitably that involves happy hour or wine and cheese or something like that. It's not binging, but alcohol calories add up fast and they lead to me not reaching my goals. This is a constant struggle and I don't think I've figured out how to handle it yet. Just this week, I've got happy hours today (Tuesday), Wednesday, and Friday. Tonight I'm just going to get an Iced Tea and take the ribbing I'm sure to get. I'm thinking about ducking out of tomorrow's thing. But canceling social plans and hibernating, while it sounds nice, isn't always going to be an option. I have to figure this out somehow. 

On that note, I am going to head out to walk the dog and then go lift some weights. There are so many things I want to talk about, including Biggest Loser, DietTribe, life at the gym, my family's weight loss efforts, and jeans shopping, but it seems like every time I come here all I'm doing is playing catch up. Hopefully this will serve as a reminder for next time.

Eek! A Mouse!

So, apparently mice have invaded my home. In Denver, that home. I guess it is cold now, mice want somewhere warm to go, and since my doggie is no longer living there, they decided my house would be a good place to go. This is stressing me out, even from thousands of miles away.

My girlfriend, who is living there while we are gone, is of course not happy. She has caught three of them in a humane trap (oh how I love the Internet) and set them free at a park a couple of miles away, but one looked like a baby and she thinks there might be more. Yuck. I'm sure they are cute little guys and I certainly don't want to poison them, but I hate the idea of little mice running around my beautiful little house. And I hate that I'm so far away there is virtually nothing I can do. Ugh. 

In other news, let's see. Things are fine here, if boring. It is amazing how I occupy my time, even without a job. That said, the only person I've actually spoken to all day is the girl behind the counter at Starbucks. Wow, that is sad. I enjoy the alone time though, it gives me a chance to think. I know I'll miss it when we're back home. 

I am working on a slide show of all of our pictures from our travels since we've been in Singapore. We've been to Bintan, Indonesia, Bali, Cambodia, Thailand, and will add Japan to that list before we go home. I'm making it in iDVD, which is a very cool program. Figure it will be a nice gift for our parents, etc. It feels a little narcissistic but I guess that's never been a problem for me given all the blog writing and what not. I've noticed I haven't written in my travel blog as much since I started writing here again. I guess I just can't get the juices flowing for both at the same time. 

Tonight I'm on my own because the boy has going-away drinks with his coworkers, so I'm making myself another omelet with laughing cow and spinach. I'm on an omelet kick right now. I need to keep it healthy and under control while I can, because this weekend is going to be a challenge. 

Tomorrow we're having going away drinks with friends from our building and then out to dinner, which I'm sure will be a calorie minefield. Saturday is the BBQ with the boy's coworkers and their families, who knows what we'll have there. Local food I'm sure.  Then Sunday we're going to a fancy bon voyage brunch with our Thanksgiving buddies. What does this mean? Lots and lots of food. And booze. Hopefully I can offset any damage with some good workouts and actually being mindful about my eating. I'm all about approaching these things with intention right now. :)

Here's a pic of the last spinach omelet I made. Doesn't look that appetizing, I know, but it is. And yes, I realize I suck at the food photography thing. Sorry. 

South Beach Saturday

I realize I have so much to talk about. But I'm not going to just word vomit all over the screen, I'm going to try to space some things out. 

So let's see. I mentioned yesterday that I got back into actively trying to get some weight off in October. That's when I started doing the South Beach thing. I did the first two weeks, which is hardcore no sugar and pretty low carb, and I ended up taking off about seven lbs. I have to say at least four of that was probably water weight. Once I started adding back some carbs though, my losses slowed pretty dramatically and then I went to Thailand for a week. While I was there I pretty much let myself eat/drink whatever, but I didn't go crazy and binge or anything like that. Anyway, when I got back I had gained a few lbs, but I took them right back off the next week, and now I'm on the downward trend again.

In total though, since I started doing South Beach, I've lost about 11 pounds. I'm definitely happy with that. I hate hate hate this, but I know that limiting carbs is important for me if I'm going to lose weight. I'm clearly sensitive to them, and it does help when I reduce them. I wouldn't say I'm following South Beach to the letter of the law right now, I'm more just limiting sugar and sticking to a lower carb diet. I emphasize lower because it's still not all that low, given I'm eating tons of veggies and tons of beans still. I am just not a big meat person, never have been. I still don't eat red meat or pork at all. I used to eat turkey quite a bit, but turkey is just not common in Singapore. The only place I've found it is at Subway. Now I'm eating a lot of chicken, tuna, salmon, etc. Oh and peanut butter. My god I practically support the entire peanut industry all by myself. 

The other thing I've dramatically reduced is my alcohol intake. One reason for this is that alcohol is ridiculously expensive in Singapore. A six pack of beer, local Tiger beer that is brewed here, costs around $18 Singapore dollars. That is about $12 US. Seems kind of ridiculous when I know I can buy a sixer of Bud Light for $5.99. And you don't even want to know what it costs to get alcohol in restaurants. 

The other thing that's reduced my alcohol intake is my social life. In Denver we have a huge social circle and a big part of daily life is drinking. Not binge drinking or anything, but happy hour after work, apres ski beers, wine and cheese with the girls, that sort of thing. And don't get me wrong, I love that part of my social life and I'm excited to get back to it, but it isn't always conducive to weight loss. So being in Singapore, without a big group of friends to socialize with on the weekends means we just aren't drinking as much. We have met a few good friends here and we do still have drinks with them from time to time, it just isn't as often as I'd be doing it in the U.S. It's one thing I'm nervous about going back and facing honestly. But for now, as Martha would say, it's a good thing. 

So yeah, clearly lower carbs and lower alcohol intake helps with weight loss. No shit Sherlock right? I am a genius. Maybe I should write a book on this. 

Today is hard, as are all Saturdays. I think weekends in general are just rough on me. We eat out more often, and I often get frustrated with my options here. I miss having fast casual options where I know I can just pick up an easy salad. You'd be amazed at how hard it is to find salad here. Sometimes we go to the Hard Rock Cafe just to get semi-decent salads. Sad. 

Tonight we're going to a fun Euro-American brewery place that has an outdoor grill. They have a ton of different skewer options, so I'll probably go with shrimp and get some veggies on the side. I'll also probably have some beer or a glass of wine, but nothing too crazy. I took the day off of working out because I worked out every day this week and I'm extremely sore from a hardcore yoga class yesterday (more on that soon) but I'll be back in my little apartment gym tomorrow.  Hope everyone has a great weekend.