Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Home Alone

The boy is out of town AGAIN this week. Damn travel. But it's kind of nice to be home alone. I miss him of course, but I also miss the solace of living alone sometimes. Just me and the dogger chillin out.

In fact, sometimes I think if I just completely cut myself off from society I could lose all of this weight in no time. I know, I'd go crazy and probably chew my arm off just for something to do, but if I didn't have to deal with the pressures of society, with going out to dinner and having work lunches and all of that nonsense, it seems like it would all be so easy. If I got to go live on a ranch and have Bob the trainer kick my butt every day ala biggest loser, would I be able to do this?

It seems like a no brainer, right? Of course I'd be able to do it. But if I think about it, I mean really think about it, I'm not sure. If I had 0prah's personal trainer and personal chef and all the time and money in the world, I still don't think it would be that much easier. Because its not just about doing the things I need to do. Eating right and working out. It's about releasing myself from the mental chain that bind me to food. It's about learning how to cope with difficult days without diving into a vat of ice cream. It's really about changing my mentality completely.

I'm working on that. In the past a night home alone without the boy might have meant cracking open a bottle of wine and chowing on a pizza. Tonight I went to the gym, came home and had a mini-meal of an English Muffin with peanut butter and honey and some pineapple. I didn't need a big dinner. Yes it wasn't perfect, it could have used some vegetables, but it's a great post-workout snack. And that's all I need.

I know all of my recent posts are waxing poetic about the mental struggle I'm having with weight loss, but it's honestly helping me stay on track to write about these things. I didn't lose this week, but I'm sure I'm going to lose next week. I'm focused, motivated, and above all I'm truly happy with my life right now. This should be my time. And it will be my time. I really think I can do this!


snackiepoo said...

Oh my God, you are so not alone.

I sometimes dream of it just being ME for like a year; no social pressures, no obligations to have work lunches or dinners with friends....I guess my hubby could stay though ;). It just seems sometimes like isolation is the best answer but why is it so hard for us to fight that temptation anyway? Bleh.

I just wanted you to know that you are not alone and I soooo know how you feel!

bloomingbeing said...

Other than the fact that I think you're almost ten years older than me, it scares me how much you seem like me.
I compeletely agree with so much of what you say. Just know you CAN do this, even with all the bumps in the road. This IS your time :)

alea said...

I hear you on that one... I do best when I don't have to work and no social events such as dinner with friends, family gatherings or whatever are on the agenda. And sometimes I feel like turning down invitations just because I know that it will be so difficult to fit to make it fit into my plan... But then again, I don't want to become a hermit either! Because when I think of it, being lonely would probably make me turn to food for comfort... Seems like a vicious cycle!

I guess the most important thing about whatever you do is that it fits into your lifestyle! If you were secluded on a ranch with your personal trainer you'd probably lose faster - but there's no way this would last when you return to your real life... Guess you know that already. :)

I'm glad you are happy and I know you can make this happen!