Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Fat and Salt and Sugar

I want a big fat burrito with cheese and sour cream. And then some ice cream for desert. Argh! Really I'm just trying out beta. But I also just wanted to complain for a minute. It's weird, even when I have an awesome weigh-in, or maybe especially when I have an awesome weigh-in, I just can't wait to go and fuck it all up. I am CRAVING Mexican food big time. It's killing me. Maybe I just haven't been getting enough fat.

I'm not even going to attempt to make a low fat version of what I really want, because I know that just won't do. Instead I'm making a baked potato with broccoli and I'm going to mix up some cottage cheese in the magic bullet until it's all smooth and put that on the top. Now I know that may sound fairly disgusting to you all, but I'm just going to have to do it. It's got fiber, protein and a little fat, and I think it will satiate me. I know it will.

But God, sometimes food isn't just about being satiated. I've been doing great lately, but I'm missing the social fun of food. And the solace I find in food. The comfort of dialing P1zza Hut. The joy of cracking open a bottle of wine and having that and a bag of popcorn for dinner and that's it. I know I wouldn't enjoy how I'd feel afterward, and I'd never resort to it, but I miss it sometimes. Guess we can't be perfect all the time eh. It's going to take a while, maybe forever, to retrain this brain of mine. Luckily I've got nothing but time.


alea said...

First of all, CONGRATS on the loss! 7 pounds is AWESOME! Getting back on the horse is always hardest, but you obviously did very well at it. 8 days of clean eating in a row - wow! Keep it up!

And no, I don't think your baked potatoe concoction sounds disgusting, not at all. It actually sounds quite appealing to me right now - and it's not even 7am... (What does that say about me? Haha...) Hey, and considering you are craving mexican food, this is a pretty good choice! Hats off to you!

Lynne said...

Hey! You have to put a warning up before you start talking about burritos and sour cream! I seriously think I drooled on my keyboard when I read that. :)
So I have to ask, jeni, how do you channel my thoughts so well? This week (maybe because of the approaching holiday) I've been thinking about how much I miss the fun side of food. I miss just eating. Not even eating with reckless abandonment but just eating without constant awareness. Whether I'm eating healthy or really badly, I'm constantly paying attention to its nutritional makeup, its caloric worth, its health benefits, etc., etc. Every once in awhile I miss just putting something in my mouth and not having a sense of how it will impact me. The funny thing is that this permanent awareness of food is what you need to be successful at weight loss but at the same time it will cause you to miss your former carelessness of eating every once in awhile. Irony, I guess!

Anne said...

Retaining the brain is sooo hard, I feel you. Funny, when I have a good loss I want to celebrate with shitty Nice eh?

Mandy said...

Your cottage cheese sauce sounds great! Broccoli on it's own is fine but I bet it'd be delicious smothered, (or even drizzled), in cottage cheese. Do you add anything to the cheese or do you just warm, puree and pour?