Happy Medium

Monday. The weekend was good for the most part, lots of fun with friends and family and enjoyed watching the Oscars last night. Too much booze was involved as usual, but I'm hanging in there. My little sister, the one who just turned 16, met my other sister (26) and I for lunch in Cherry Creek yesterday, and then afterward we hit Target to check out the swimsuit selection because both sister's are going to Mexico (at different times). Well we didn't end up with any swimsuits, but we did end up with cupcakes. How does that happen?!?

Anyway, we went back to my house and made them, had a great time doing it too, and then I promptly sent all but four home with the little sis, who was going to hand them out to her friends and what not. Other sister and I split one, and then the hubby ate the rest. Cupcake crisis averted, and a good time was had by all.

This morning I got up and took the dogger for a walk, hit the gym for some weights, and now I'm laundering/cleaning/computering. Last night in bed I started thinking about what I'm doing with this weight loss thing though and I'm having some serious internal struggles.

The weight is sort of coming off, I mean very very slowly, so in a way I'm okay where I am. I'm enjoying working out as much as I am, and I think I'm making fairly good food choices, while still living my life the way I want to live it. But....

But.

It's not coming off the way I want it too. As fast as I want it to. I mean we're almost to March and I've only lost 6.8 lbs this year. And every week when I weigh in, I keep thinking, I should be doing better. I have no excuses not to be doing better. I should go hardcore. I should only eat protein and veggies. I should workout 2 hours every day. I should. I should I should I should.

It's the constant argument I have with myself. Do I want to live my life and enjoy it - meaning eat right/lose weight but not be so strict with myself that I can't enjoy a glass of wine or three/Cadbury egg/club sandwich and fries occasionally if I want to. Or do I want to be really strict for a couple of months - a year even - lose this weight, and then enjoy my life after that?

Writing it, and reading it - it sounds stupid. Of course I can't put off enjoying my life while I lose weight. Life happens while you're losing weight. Isn't that one of the old WW slogans or something? But am I enjoying my life a little too much right now? And isn't this euphemism of "enjoying my life" how I got fat in the first place?

I don't know. I don't really have any answers for that right now. I guess I'm just trying to find a happy medium. A place where I can lose this weight, but also have fun with my friends and enjoy being in my 20's and having an awesome husband and family and friends and everything else I'm so lucky to have.

One day - even one meal at a time is the best I can do right now. So today for lunch I had some yummy chicken rollups and an apple. No processed crap anywhere in site. And tonight I'm meeting friends for dinner, and I hope to make a good choice, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. And then I'll have tomorrow. And the next day and the next day. And hopefully, eventually, I'll figure this out.