Weekend has been good so far. Friday night wasn't so great, I had french fries and beer and dessert. But Saturday I tried to redeem myself, went for a run and made a nice halibut with green beans for dinner with the boy. We had the inspection on the house, and I think we're still going to go through with it. The house is about a million years old (it was built in 1890) so there are some definite issues, but nothing too serious. Let's just hope the sewer scope goes well. I'm actually fairly relaxed about it all. We'll see if that lasts though. :)
So this morning I woke up and met a friend to ride down to Riverfront Park, where the Rocky Mountain Half Marathon was happening. Two of our friends were running it and we wanted to go cheer them on at the finish line. My friend S. finished in 1 hour and 49 minutes. Do you know how great that is? It's like a 8:20 mile. At this point in my running career, which has of course only been about 2 months, I can do maybe a 12 minute mile at my fastest. Now she's been running for many years, is a tiny size 2 and all muscle. But watching her finish so strong made me really think about my athletic goals and what I want to be able to do. I don't know if I'll ever run a half marathon. I'm not sure running is really my thing. I'm trying to do it, but I have a hard time envisioning really doing anything more than I'm doing right now.
But you see, maybe that's my problem. Maybe the reason I'm stagnate and not really losing any weight right now, even though I'm working my ass off in my workouts, is because I just can't envision myself any other way. In all of my adult life, I've weighed at the very least maybe 15 lbs less than I do now. I've always been in double digit sizes. I've always been the chubby girl of the group. All these years I've been trying to lose weight, but I've never really seen myself any other way. I've never really envisioned being a different person. A strong, fit person who could run 13 miles.
The more I think about it, the more I think my perception of myself is really what is holding me back. I've said before that I'm going to fake it till I make it, and I think that might include envisioning myself as that person. I've read about athletes doing this before a big race or competition, and this is how I need to think about this process. Losing weight and becoming a fit person is a competition, but it's a competition with myself. So tonight I'm going to start doing some visualization exercises. This means seeing myself making healthy choices at lunch and dinner, pushing through my tough workouts, and even looking down at the scale and seeing the numbers moving down. I can see myself doing it now...