So I think I'm back to my cynical but fairly happy self. I don't know what's been going on with me the past couple of weeks, maybe stress, but I've been so down on myself and in bitch mode with everyone else. That needs to stop. This weekend has been better, but I'm certainly not perfect.
So I'm counting a 1.5 loss this week, even though that was actually my Wednesday weigh in, not Thursday. I don't care though, that's what I'm calling it. I can if I want nyah nyah nyah. My workouts haven't been perfect and neither has my eating, but good enough I think in order to keep my somewhat sane. I can't be obsessing about this stuff day in and day out or else I'm just going to fall into some black hole and never come out.
Have you guys ever heard of orthorexia? It's basically being obsessed with eating healthy food. I don't think I have it, especially considering the four handfuls of jelly beans I ate last night, and honestly I think I'm too emotionally connected to comfort foods to ever develop it, but I think it's interesting nonetheless. It isn't anorexia, because it isn't being obsessed with being fat, but really it's just being obsessed with those foods you put in your mouth. And making sure they are healthy foods.
Like I said, I definitely don't have it, but I can relate to people who do have it. And I know a lot of us out there in fatblogland probably can. Do I ever go a day without thinking and planning and fearing food? No way. I mean, whether it's a work lunch or pizza on girl's night, I'm constantly worrying about whether or not I should eat this or that and how it will affect my weight loss or weight gain. Some days I think it's great, because it's that planning that really contributes to my success with weight loss. But some days I just wish I could be normal and not berate myself for eating a piece of cake at a birthday party.
I know this is rehashing old material for me and you guys are probably sick of reading about it, but it's just a constant annoyance for me. I'm always thinking: Why can't I be normal? The weird thing is though, I think I am kind of normal. I think a lot of people, skinny and fat alike, feel this way about food. It's so weird to have this love/hate relationship with something that you absolutely must rely on or else you'll die.
Anyway, I'm okay with it all right now, but I'm just finding it important to be aware of my feelings about food at all times right now. Being aware and writing about it is what's keeping me sane right now. And I'm still logging my food and working out and and working on being healthy. And as long as I do that I think I'll be cool. Right?