Thursday, August 17, 2006

Worst Week Ever

Argh! Can I just complain for a minute? This week has completely sucked. I'm exhausted and overwhelmed and I'm not happy. I think it all started when I got wasted at my friend's bachelorette party last weekend, which led to eating massive amounts of crap. I got back on the wagon on Monday and my eating has been fine since then, but I just can't seem to recover physically. Or mentally for that matter.

So wedding planning and buying a house and working full time and trying to lose weight and take care of a little dogger and trying to be a nice happy fiance just doesn't seem to work all at once right now. This has taught me that I'm not the person I was in college; I can't feed my body alcohol and processed carbs and all around crap if I want to try and function for the week ahead. So no more binge drinking. Or binge eating. It's just stupid and pointless and it makes me feel like shit. I mean I know it was a bachelorette party, but still. Ridic.

I also think the stress of the wedding is sort of getting to me. I cannot tell you how excited I am to marry this man, but with less than two months to go, I'm just scared. I'm scared to get up in front of all of those people in a big white dress. I'm scared I won't get all of the things done I need to get done. I'm scared that I'm changing my name. I want to change my name but it's still weird and scary. I'm scared that I have to be an adult now since I'll be married and have a job and own a house. It's just a lot to deal with sometimes and I think this week it's all just sort of hit at once. I mean we've only been in this house for two weeks now, and there is still so much to do. But a girl can only buy a new hose and look at tuxedos and think about bridesmaids shoes and celebrate so many birthdays in a week. Ya know?

I think I'll use this weekend to recharge. I'm going to bed early tonight, and then I'm going to get up and go see the trainer in the morning. After work I think I'm either going to go get a manicure or just come home and chillax. Yes it's Friday night, but honestly all I want to do is chill out. I want to chill out and sleep late on Saturday and then go to my shower and have a really great time and enjoy all the people around me. I hope it works.

Also, since Saturday will mark exactly 8 weeks until my wedding, I'm thinking about trying to ratchet it up a notch. I'm not exactly sure what that entails, but if anyone has any ideas, I'd love to hear them. I was thinking of doing a cleanse or something, but I think that might put too much stress on my body. And then I was thinking maybe I'll just go hardcore and totally eliminate all white flour and sugar, but I'm not sure if I should try to do that or just increase my workouts or what I should do. I know the one thing I shouldn't do is stress about it. I'm just going to try to be as healthy as I can be and hopefully the weight will come off. Gah.


Lynne said...

Oh Jeni, I swear this post came straight out of my diary a year ago!

I too planned a wedding, bought a house, worked full time, tried to lose weight and tried my best to be a good daughter/fiance/friend all at the same time and there were many times within those last few weeks where I thought I just wasn't going to make it!
That was the most stressful and busiest time of my life and so I totally feel for you and am wishing you good, happy thoughts! I so can sympathize.
Also, I could talk to you for hours about all those fears you listed! I've been there! But I'll also tell you that I look back at that time as the most exciting and special time in my life to date(even though it was totally scary!) All I can say is good luck sweetie! You've been doing great so far and you certainly have what it takes to pull this all off!
And if you ever need someone to complain to I'm always here for ya!

Kim said...

I want to second Lynne's post! Being "the bride" and getting ready for the big day is just a crazy, special and stressful time. I don't know that there is really any way around it!! :) Take care of yourself, and try to enjoy as much of it as you can. Somehow it will all come together for you in the next 8 weeks, and then you will be able to sit back and just live in the moment. Being surrounded with all of the family and friends that mean the most to you is an amazing thing. I still remember taking the time during my reception to look around at everyone enjoying themselves, and being just overwhelmed that everyone that I loved was there.

Okay, sorry to ramble. I think that you have a great plan to kick it up a notch and make the most of the time you have to get ready. YOU GO GIRL!! :)

bellasarah said...

Wow - talk about stress! It's amazing how much we'll pile on ourselves until we just can't handle any more. You are doing an incredible job though and the exercise and better eating will help you handle it. You can get through this!

bellasarah said...

Oh, and it's me, I got rid of my blogger acct.

K said...

"So wedding planning and buying a house and working full time and trying to lose weight and take care of a little dogger and trying to be a nice happy fiance just doesn't seem to work all at once right now."

I agree, and I don't have a dog...

I didn't make it to my goal for my wedding, but I was at my lowest weight and thought I looked good in my dress, and that was fine. Also I was so deliriously happy to be marrying Jon I didn't really have any time to worry about things.

The weekend-recharge sounds a good idea - hope it worked out that way. Maybe you should schedule another weekend when you don't do any weddingy stuff between now and then, if you can. And if something stresses you out, there's no obligation to do it unless you feel it is worth it. There is no rule that says a wedding must include certain things. My bridesmaids chose their own shoes ;)

Good luck. You'll get there!