Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Obsessed Again

But maybe not in a good way. In the past, I've always said that when I become truly "obsessed" with weight loss is when I do my very best. I'm focused, I plan, and usually I succeed. But the boy and I had a long conversation last night, and he reminded me that this struggle with my weight is not the only thing that defines me. Somehow I've been letting it go like that, but it shouldn't. I mean, for the past I don't know how many years, I've been trying to lose weight. In the past eight months or so, I've really been focused on it.

And I've been doing a good job - I'm losing and my fitness levels are increasing. But sometimes, it's all I think about. What do I weigh today? How many calories have I eaten today? How many calories have I burned today? And sometimes its all I talk about. And when I'm stressed out or upset about my weight, it translates into other parts of my life. I'm always trying to do something to change my body, and when it doesn't go the way I want, I get upset. So I lash out at those around me when all they are trying to do is help.

So last night, the boy reminded me that my weight isn't the only thing that people notice when they look at me. They notice my creativity, and my sense of humor, and my drive, and my honesty. They notice that my hair is really straight and soft. They notice a lot of things, and one of those things might be my weight, but it might not be either. The problem is, I don't notice those things.

Some days its seems that I've forgotten all of the parts of myself that I love, because I'm so focused on those parts of myself that I want to change. I need to get back to loving my entire self, and knowing that I'm so much more than just someone who wants to lose weight. Yes, that's a huge part of me, and I'm not giving it up, but maybe I shouldn't be so obsessed some days.


Lynne said...

It's amazing, sometimes your posts so eloquently say the things that I'm dealing with.
For me to successfully lose weight I have to become "obsessed" with it. It becomes a top priority for me and occupies a lot of my time, thoughts and energy. It will pretty much trickle into every area of my life. But that's where it becomes a double edged sword. All that worrying and planning gets me stressed out. And if things aren't going my way I'll really get down on myself. It's like I lose sight of all my other qualities because I'm so focused on the things I want to change. It's definitely difficult and I too am struggling with trying to strike a balance.

I also have to say that the boy sounds absolutely wonderful! Isn't it nice to have loved ones in our lives to remind us about all the different facets about ourselves that we can sometimes overlook?

K said...

I have nothing very eloquent to say at all... except ((((hugs)))).

And I would say that boy's a keeper, except that you already know that. ;)