Well I made it to boot camp last night. The weather was shit, windy and dusty and not quite warm enough, but we went outside to the park for most of the workout and ran, did sprints, stairs and lots of squats and lunges. When we got back inside we did abs and cardio for the rest of the time. My legs and abs were dying - shaky and burning, but I'm surprisingly not sore today. I don't know if that means I'm not working hard enough, or that my body is just getting used to these types of workouts already. Frankly either one is not a good scenario.
I'm still feeling sick, just stuffed up and gross, but it's early yet so it's hard to tell how the day will take me. After boot camp last night I went to dinner at my parents for my stepdad's birthday. My mom made steaks for them on the grill and I had a chicken kabob (since I don't eat red meat.) It was delightful. She also made twice baked potatoes and red velvet cupcakes, but I only had 1/4 of a potato and 1/2 of a small cupcake.
My sixteen year-old sister and her teeney tiny friend each had three cupcakes. Three! But it doesn't matter because they have the metabolism of hummingbirds and they were getting ready to go to hockey practice at 9:30. It makes me sad because:
1. I know I used to eat like that.
2. That's how I got overweight in the first place.
3. These girls are surrounded with enough negative crap about body image and food everywhere they go - so they don't need someone like me telling them maybe to not eat three cupcakes, maybe just have one or two.
I didn't say anything about it, but I thought about it a lot when I got home last night. I swear, I don't know how parents do it. How do you navigate the waters between making sure your child is making healthy choices, but also avoid perpetuating negative associations between food and body image? It's enough to make me want to go celibate right now.
Okay, not really, that would be crazy town time, but really. Really? Really.
It sucks. And my little sister, and all the little girls out there right now, have to deal with constant bombardment of beautiful women who say they got down to a size 00 by going on long hikes with their dog when really they've only eaten one Dorito a day for the last six months. And then and they'll probably have blogs about this very issue some day. Lame.
So yeah, the other thing that is crazy is that they can only get ice for girl's hockey practice at 9:30 on a Monday night. Sad. I'm just glad she's out there kicking ass at a non-traditional girl's high school sport. Or even if it was traditional. She's out there night after night just because she loves being on the ice. I think that's rad.
Today the electrician is here putting up our kitchen light, the one we bought when we redid our kitchen last fall and never got around to putting up, so that will be nice to have finished. After that I've got massive cleaning to do, work, and then the doctor, who I will be chatting with about my inability to fall asleep and stay asleep. I'll post more about that once I talk with him, but the long and short of it is that it's killing me and I need some answers.
On that final note - It's Earth Day! So in honor of Earth Day, I'm going to make sure our new kitchen light has a compact fluorescent bulb and by my mom some reusable grocery bags like mine so she doesn't have to keep getting plastic all the time. Hope everyone has a wonderful Earth Day.
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Having kids scares me for many, many reasons. One of the big ones is being afraid that I won't be a strong enough influence in my daughter's life to help her know that she is spectacular and to look at all of the media stuff with a big grain of salt. Oh and to not listen to the kids at school because odds are she will develop early just like I did and they might call her "Blubber" too just because she has a figure when all the other girls are still flat and uncurvy.
I know my mom tried, but she had her own body image issues. I hope that the fact that I am pretty comfortable in my own skin now will somehow help my daughter feel comfortable in hers.
But I know she will have insecurities and will be exposed to so much body negativity that it will be hard for any voices of reason to compete. Scary.
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